Forums / Roleplaying / Charleys Writing Corner

I feel like having a thread since I am not as noticeable in the RP Forum these days.  Just displaying various pieces of things I am working on.  Some people have seen it, others have not.  Comments, corrections, and input are welcome.

     In the beginning, there was only nothingness in one corner of space.  The silence and darkness reigned supreme as it muffled and cloaked everything else that travelled within it.  Clouds of dust, gas, rock, and other debris floated through the emptiness of space and dances on the invisible wind as they continued flying for eternity.  As the cosmos seemed to continue on in some kind of harmony and dance, a bright light began forming in the middle of the area.  The light grew brighter and brighter in intensity until it seemed like it could grow no more until finally it concentrated into a small sphere.  The ball of light spun like a top at a great speed and it grew in size.  After an unknown period of time, it seemed to be taking form.  A head appeared followed by shoulders, arms, a torso, and the rest of body.  The light seemed to fade slightly, but what remained what a figure that radiated light and seemingly limitless power.  The figure spread its arms and bright light extended from the fingertips.  As the figure continued to emit light from itself, the light seemed to take a golden hue and wrap itself around the being.
    
     Aldros, the young god, appeared with clothing that resembled the flames of a fire as they wrapped themselves around him and changed constantly.  They glowed as if made of a sparkling gold and his eyes flashed with silver light.  His silver hair was of medium length and twisted around his head as if bring blown by a non-existent wind.  He turned his attention towards the empty space before him and began moving his hands in a swirling motion.  Suddenly, the incredible quantities of gas and debris in the area began gathering towards a single spot in space and began spiraling violently together.  The materials twisted together faster and faster until finally a brilliant flash erupted and the light began shining upon everything within the area.  A star had just been born within such a short time and seemingly with little effort.  Aldros examined his work and then reached out with one hand towards more empty space and pieces of rock began forming from nothing.  He slowly closed his hand and the rocks began gathering into a larger body until finally it was a golden moon.  Feeling that he had tested his power enough, Aldros turned his gaze towards an area of empty space a far distance from the star.  Feeling that the distance was enough, he thrust his right hand towards the location and enormous chunks of rock began forming and merging together.  The mass of rock turned bright orange and melted into one huge ball of liquid magma.
     
     The material swirled together with incredible speed and began cooling at a rapid rate.  Aldros then began flying towards the mass of molten rock.  He continued approaching it until he was flying above the bubbling ball of magma and brushed his fingers across the surface of the molten sea.  The molten rock instantly began cooling and solidifying as he touched it and the process continued as he flew across the entire surface of the now formed planet.  Aldros floated farther away from the planet before looking at the large mass of rock that was devoid of all life and was simply a dark sphere.  He began pointing at certain parts of the land and the elevations shifted however he pleased.  Imposing mountains, deep valleys, and basins formed around the world until he was pleased with the outcome.  Aldros then breathed out upon the planet and an atmosphere instantly surrounded the surface.  He watched all of the events that unfolded before wiping the sweat from his brow and sprinkled it upon the land.  Great white clouds formed and torrents of rain pounded the surface of the world and the huge basins filled with water until they became mighty oceans and seas.   Rivers cut through the land that remained above the surface of the sea, and lakes formed in the shallow basins within the continents. 
    
     The young god clapped his hands loudly despite the silence of space and the ground of the planet shook in obedience.  Volcanoes erupted and even more lands were raised from beneath the water, caves and caverns formed from the movement of the ground, and dry deserts formed as he commanded.  Seeing that everything was as is it should be, Aldros then pulled a single hair from his head and dropped it upon the surface of the planet.  When that hair touched the ground a great tree rose up from the great and golden leaves grew from it.  It continued growing until it reached hundreds of feet into the air and sparkled with a golden hue.  As the leaves opened up and grew, countless particles that looked like sparks were released and began descending to the ground or blowing to the corners of the world.  Each of these particles grew into forests, meadows, and all sorts of plant life.  The light from the new sun also gave them energy and life as they reached up towards the sky. 
    
     Aldros observed everything from where he stood in the sky and was pleased with how things were.  Finally, the young god descended to the planet surface and stood upon one of the plains that he created.  He looked around and only silence was heard no matter where he stood.  Aldros then raised his finger to his mouth and bit so that his own blood dripped from him.  His silvery blue blood dripped onto the ground and the soil it touched seemed to becoming alive.  Aldros then knelt and began forming the new life with his own hands.  He worked for an unknown time because time had not yet begun upon this world. 

I have seen this due to helping Charley with a not-so-secret secret. >_>

Seems nice, for a short writing.

Who'd copy this terrible piece of writing?

;-D

Just kidding! XD

I am writing a book.  How easy would it be for someone to copy and paste it? I really like protecting my work these days...since I think I might actually complete something for once.  And yeah, I did delete basically every RP and story I did on this forum because at one point I was leaving and didn't want anything of mine left behind to remind others of me.

Alright, I am doing a sign up for THREE people only.  It will NOT be first come, first serve, so I will pick the three people who I feel would work, not three random people who never come in the RP forum except to troll or spam. 
This is for my book Alras.  I will most likely not be using the name you give me, most likely because it will NEED to be original or else I will end up using a name that you might want for something else.  After the sign-ups are over, I will message the three people and work on things then.  The first post in this topic was only about 1/2 or 1/3 of the intro and those who have been privileged to read the entire work as I write it know about how much effort I have put into it.  Septim is already planned for the story since he is a long-time writing partner and friend.

Sign ups should include the following.

Name:
Brief Description: (Clothes, eye color, hair color, etc)
Class: (Anything from a priest, swordsman, monk, mage, thief, archer, apothecary, etc.  Non-combat classes are also allowed as my stories are very much about non-combat)
Personality: (Coward, brave, jealous, impatient, depressed, etc.  All help)

Anything else that is felt necessary can be added.  You can put as much info as you want...within logical sense.

THIS IS NOT FOR AN RP

Sign ups end in 24 hours

Arvious has also been given an honorary spot in Alras for helping me with designing the website that it is hosted on.  He did it in his freetime and I really thank him for his effort. 

Sign-ups are still going, will wait until the end to choose the people. 

PS - Alras is NOT anything like Elras(for those of you who remember).  New world, new storyline, new heroes. 

Name: Marcus Ignatious

Brief Description: Tall, intellectual looking man. Short brown hair, with green eyes. The eyes are just a bit too big for his face, making it seem like he is always wide awake, although they are deepset. He always wears a robe. Its usually a dark green, with a golden sash, and a dark brown trim around it. Rarely shows emotion, because he has none. His skin is always cold to the touch.

Class: An intellectual man.

Personality: Overly patient. He has no concept of good and evil, right and wrong. He would easily sacrifice everything around him for knowledge.

Name: Dennis Dickington

Brief Description: Dennis, a penny-less child, bereft of wealth and guardianship, lacks any clothing. Born into the wilderness, Dennis was taken in by a pack of trolls and nutured by them. Dennis suckled off the troll nipples until he turned 15, where, upon peering into his own reflection upon a lake, he became aware of his own abject appearance, and how he differed from his "parents". He then ran away, and has since lived the better part of 30+ years in the wilderness, alone. Dennis' eyes are boring and brown. His hair is slightly receding, and despite having a poor and primitive diet, Dennis is a little plump, but not extraordinarily obese. His lingustic skills are scant, but he has managed to pick up a few words, albeit coarse, from travellers he's happened to come across and watch.


Class:  Forest-dweller.

Personality: Dennis is naturally a little backward, having spent all of his life away from society. He has shunned human contact, although he can be curious and inquisitive. He isn't particularily smart, or strong. He doesn't understand the concept of morality. He rarely washes, and his favourite past time was throwing shit at deer.

Writing a book, you say? With an intro like that, I'll bet the rest is pretty decent, too. Give me a heads up when you finish.

Oh well, might as well release something unreleased.    

     Not far from the coast where Magnus and his people were landing, a large person stood upon a wooden balcony.  He looked over the large town that was called Hondul and thought through his day.  Hondul was founded in the northeastern lands of Aldenia and inhabited by a large branch of the race of humans called Gwydenians.  These people are much more strongly built than their human counterparts and they also reproduce much more quickly, but their intellectual and magical knowledge is less than others.  The person who was upon the balcony was none other than the king of Hondul named Arkus de Breda.  He was a strong and intelligent leader because if he was only one or the other, his reign would never have started or he would have been killed by another to replace him.  The town of Hondul was crudely made of stone and wood, and it served its purpose in order to house the people there.  King Arkus was luckily given the largest and best made home in the town. 
     “What news do you have today?” asked Arkus as his one and only advisor approached him.
     “The crops have been gathered for the day, but it seems that the dry weather is making things even more difficult my king,” replied the small Gwydenian named Silas.
      “The weather is always dry.  It is always difficult.  Have we not learned to overcome this?” asked Arkus.  To him, the conversation seemed to repeat each year at the same time.  The weather was always dry and difficult.  That was what made the Gwydenians better than the humans in his opinion.  They braved the harsh deserts, deadly swamps, and frigid wastelands in order to survive and they were rewarded with their incredible strength for their perseverance.  Unfortunately, beauty was not something that they were rewarded with.  The resulting changes over five hundred years had turned their skin a sallow color and sometimes even grayish.  Not many of the Gwydenians cared because if anyone had a problem with it, they could smash their skulls in with a single punch.  Also, not many humans lived near their lands out of fear.  Many humans had seen the ‘barbarians’ and had retreated far away.  Arkus did not mind.  It only meant that he had more land to control and use for his own purposes.
     “My king, we have yet to find a permanent source of water to use on our fields.  We have to keep digging wells all over the lands in order to find it and that takes time,” replied Silas.  The young advisor had gotten the attention of Arkus before he had become king.  The king had refused the advice of any other advisors because he felt that they were going to steer him into a trap.  Silas was smaller in stature than the other people, but Silas made up for it with his superior intellect.  Sadly, in the situations they were in most of the time, it was wasted.  Arkus promised himself that he would find a purpose for Silas since he found the young advisor to be bluntly honest and trustworthy enough.
     “Then we will continue our search for permanent water like we always have.  We have no other way to solve this problem just yet,” replied Arkus as he thought over a solution but found none like all of the other times.    The middle-aged king thought over how to make the future of his people better, but the location of Hondul made things impossible to improve upon much.  The surrounding tribes and towns of other small kingdoms were possible stepping stones that might lead him to great power, but there is also the chance that they might ally against him and have him killed.  This back and forth argument in his head went on for many hours until he was brought out of it by a guard approaching him.
     “My king, a strange group of visitors has arrived at the gates of our town.  One of them claims to be the diplomat sent by the one true god,” said the guard nervously.
     “He said that he is sent by the one true god? Did he mean Aldros? Send only him inside.  I am curious about why a diplomat would be sent to here of all places,” replied Arkus as he secretly became fearful.  The guard bowed and then left the room for around fifteen minutes.  Those fifteen minutes made the mind of Arkus spin and dozens of ideas flew through his head.  Then the same guard returned with a strange figure that was wearing a white hood.  Arkus waved the guard to stand outside and he examined his strange guest.  He could only see a pale white face that disturbed him in many ways, and something about whatever it was made him uneasy.
     “I am glad that you allowed me to speak to you, great king,” said the guest in a voice that made Arkus sweat.
     “Who and what are you exactly? I have never seen a person such as you in all of my years,” replied Arkus as clearly as he could to avoid sounding scared.
     “I am Magnus, a servant of the one true god, and I have been sent here as his creation to proclaim his name to the world,” said Magnus.
     “Who is this one true god you speak of? It does not sound like the god Aldros that created this world many years ago,” replied Arkus curiously.
     “Speak not the name of the false god! The one true god is the great lord of power, Rhagon!” said Magnus angrily.  His voice made King Arkus uneasy once again.
     “I do not know of any god named Rhagon, so how do you expect me to know? I have heard no people declare themselves his or proclaim his great name throughout the world for many years,” replied Arkus as he rose from his throne.
     “Rhagon has waited and bided his time to begin the proclaiming of his word and the spreading of his message of truth for all.  The followers of the false god Aldros shall be enlightened and be shown the error of their ways,” replied Magnus.
     “And what do you wish to do here? Simply proclaim your message and leave?” asked Arkus.
     “With your permission, I wish to stay here and aid your people.  Rhagon has wished that my followers and I aid the first people that we come upon with our knowledge and lives if we must,” replied Magnus.  When Arkus heard this, he thought back to his ideas of conquering the neighboring towns and small kingdoms.  He almost agreed to the request, but then Arkus thought much more.
     “What if his plan is to betray me as soon as his followers are inside? I cannot allow him to just walk in and take over,” thought King Arkus.  Magnus watched the Gwydenian king think over his proposition and knew what was going on in his mind.  He had expected to be turned down immediately, but was glad when Arkus began conflicting with himself.
     “I deny your request.  I cannot allow you to simply wander into my lands and give your aid when our people do not need such help.  I do not know if you are who you say you are and if your intentions are what you say they are,” said Arkus after finally deciding.
     “Very well, it seems that I may have to convince you that my followers and I can be of use to your people.  Who is your closest neighbor that would make a great addition to your lands?” asked Magnus.
     “The town of Baydus is the closest and most likely one of the most powerful.  They watch our movements and we always have to watch our back to keep them at a distance,” replied King Arkus. 
     “Then the town of Baydus will fall before the might of my followers in order to show you that we are worthy of being at your side,” said Magnus.
     “You believe that your small band of followers will be able to take a town defended by several hundred strong Gwydenians? Maybe you do not know what our people are capable of in battle?” asked Arkus.
     “I believe that you do not know what my followers can do.  You may watch without joining the battle if you wish.  Just make sure you keep your distance so that you are not hurt,” replied Magnus with a grin.  Arkus said nothing in reply and Magnus took that as his cue to leave.  He slowly walked back to the outside of the town where the rest of his followers waited for him and a camp setup outside of the walls.  They would show the world how deadly they really were the next day.
     Magnus did not sleep the entire night.  It was spent with his followers preparing themselves for battle.  Chants and prayers to Rhagon was a custom that he had started as a way of showing their true devotion.  The Habedion warriors each carried two sturdy wooden shields in their lower hands and then they carried two spears in their upper hands.  The combination was deadly and only their race had four arms to their knowledge, so they were as strong as three or four men easily.  Arkus stood upon the walls of Hondul and watched as the Habedion followers of Magnus chanted the name of Rhagon repeatedly before beginning to march towards Baydus in a zealous trance.  The Hondulian King was nervous about how deadly the warriors looked, but was confident that they wouldn’t survive a battle.  The several dozen Habedions marched away from Hondul with Magnus behind it.  King Arkus and several dozen of his most trusted men followed at a distance.  He wanted to see the destruction of Magnus and his followers.  Then he would send his forces at Baydus after it was weakened and take it for himself.  He chuckled to himself when he thought of Magnus telling him how he wanted to help and Arkus thought that this would be an appropriate way of doing that.  Soon Baydus came into sight but Magnus kept his forces moving until they were within one hundred yards of the edge.  King Kail Brandus, the leader of Baydus, stepped upon its walls and shouted.
     “What reason do you have for coming here from the direction of Hondul?” asked the king.
     “To see your death as well as the deaths of all of your men in the name of Rhagon, the true king of Alras,” replied Magnus in a great shout that made everyone shiver.
     “Such empty threats shall be your death!” roared Brandus and the four dozen soldiers outside charge forward with great speed.  Each of them was protected with leather armor and they carried spears or great clubs.  King Brandus could not see what they Habedions really were since they kept their extra arms concealed behind their shields and crouched to seem smaller in comparison.  The Gwydenians were just about to clash with the supposedly weak enemy until they were surprised to see that image change.  The Habedions stood up to their full height of six and a half feet and revealed all of their arms in a terrifying display.  The charging soldiers didn’t have a chance as the Habedions charged forward with all four of their arms moving.  Spears and clubs were blocked or deflected aside by the shields and then spears plunged forward with deadly accuracy to impale many of the Gwydenians in the first thrusts.  Many of them turned and raced back to their walls, leaving King Brandus speechless.  Three dozen of his soldiers had been killed in seconds and not a single Habedion had been felled.  A loud shout went out and soon a horn broke the silence.  Dozens of Gwydenian soldiers marched from the gates and lined up in front of the town.  Their numbers broke one hundred easily and came close to reaching two hundred. 

That is like, not even in chronological order.  It is like, the last 1/5th of my most recent thing I wrote.  Nothing will be released publically really at the moment.  Just a teaser since people don't seem to realize I f*cking write.

Well, I stopped doing RPs and stories here because no one pays attention to them.  If I make an RP, it would die within a week.  There are no real forum RPers left really who do anything worthwhile, so making an RP that no one joins kind of puts me off.  Then writing stories...I work extremely hard on them and when no one reads them, I then go elsewhere.  I have recently begun simply having people I have as RL friends read my stuff instead of putting it online as much since it works out better.

People may read his stories, but he doesn't believe it when no feedback is left. = /

Well...Distortion has around 2000 views, and hardly any feedback is left there.

I don't think you've never kicked my ass into going on Distortion. ;-)

However, both of us writing does help me stay on track. If I were by myself, I would soon quit, as I have in the past on a majority of my other stories.

What thread that still remains in the RP section would any of you 2 recommend that I read which took birth before I was here?

I am goin to be writing small tidbits here and there to see what fits my mood the most...I won't continue all of them...may pick one.  Might even make it a 2-3 person RP...

Could you give examples of the same or similar names? I usually just make up something off of the top of my head at the moment and use it since I am not connecting any of the stories most likely.  If I did, I would work harder on names.

@ Charley, or anyone. Would you mine if I ask how to create that kind of map?

Nice.

Well apart from it being too short for our liking, a factual point that I'm concerned with, doors aren't exactly wasy to impale are they, especially door's of lords. They'd have to be carrying incredibly long spears with them, which'd make the wall climb near impossible.

     “INTRUDERS!” he screamed before he was beheaded by an unknown enemy.  "INTRUDERS" was his last cry, as his head was crisply dismembered from his torso.  Heavy footsteps raced in all directions and total chaos ensued.  Bloodied chaos ensued, as the sounds of armour ladened footseps thudded off the wooden floorboards.While all of this was occurring, Lord Ram sat in his bedroom and could only listen.  Lord Ram sat haplessly, listening for any indication of the events unfolding.Four guards stood inside of his door and waited nervously.  A guard shuffled nervously, his tensions sensed by the others. Then screams for help roared over the sounds of fighting and they looked at each other nervously. As the sounds of fighting drew nearer, a death muffled cry for help finally unsettled one of the guards. I'll go" he mumbled. "I'll come" a second replied, looking over his shoulder at the other two unmoved guards. After a few seconds of hesitancy, they left the room, only to join the growing death count.
     “I will go,” said one of them.
     “I am coming with you,” said another.  They looked at their fellow guards but none of the other two budged.  Then they opened the door and were not seen again.  Then the silence came again.  A heavy thud came as the door was suddenly hit by something.  Both guards raced to the door and pushed their bodies against it. After what seemed an age, silence befell the narrow hallways. A thud against the door echoed around the chamber, as the remaining guards braced the door with their bodies
     “Identify yourself!” shouted one of them almost anguishly.
     “I do not give my name to dead men,” came the reply, as the wooden door splintered. One of the guards gasped, as a spear penetrated his abdomen. As his panic ridden voice started cry out in anguish, it was silenced as a sword crashed through the door and split his rib cage, silencing him. and a spear shot through the door and impaled the stomach of one of the two guards.  He screamed for only a moment before a sword went through the door and struck his chest.  Then the door was smashed inwards. The hings of the door gave way with a loud crack, as the door broke inwards. The remaining guard backed away from the door as three men raced inside.  He dodged a quick attack and then slashed forward when an opening revealed itself.  The remaining guard stepped back, and at first site of the intruders, brought his sword crashing down upon the wrist of one, severing it. He heard the shreek of the victim, before another sword crashed into his skull. His lifeless body slumped to the floor.The guard had barely sliced the hand off of one of the attackers when a sword went through his eye and ended his defiance.  The man who had lost his hand fell to the ground in agony, but he did not make a sound.  Lord Ram could only watch as a tall man wearing rusted chainmail armor walked towards him with a sword in his hand. Lord Ram watched in horror, as a pool of blood began to form around his fallen guards. His horror was broken as a tall figure entered the doorway. As it moved in, the rustic chainmail clattered gently. The tall figure raised his sword, and in a scourging voice muttered "Lord Gregory sends his regards". Ram didnt have chance to comprehend the thought, as the sword crashed into the side of his head. His body collapsed in a prayer like position, as the assailant stepped forward and after 3 more hacks, removed Rams head, placing it in a leather sack.
     “Lord Gregory sends his regards,” said the man before he lopped off the head of the lord.  As soon as the job was finished, the head was placed in a leather sack and the attackers left as quickly as they came.  Their dead were taken with them and a message scrawled in blood was written in the lord’s chamber.
As the sound of death settled in the rooms and corridors, all that remained to tell the tale was the blood inked message scrawled on the wall of Rams chamber.
     Doom engulfs those who defy us.


Paint pictures, describe sounds and describe moods. Also, heads dont get taken off easily, and it takes around 30 seconds at least for most people to realize they are seriously injured.

No. In fact there are many accounts of middle age beheadings, right up to the 18th century, where proper executioners did not remove a stretched, motionless, properly positioned head. Many needed two or three attempts. The french were also known to have troubles during guiloteening. The neck is the second most worked muscle in the human body besides the heart. Heads dont just fly off left right and centre. Most modern decaptitations are the result of extreme tearing than clean beheadings.

A writer needs to stimulate all the senses. Creating an image for the reader is easy. You just describing a picture in your head. But thats one dimension to our sensory range. The body has a putrid smell. If you going to start hacking those apart, you need to describe the assault on the senses.
People dont alway just die. They do strange things. Some go into shock, which in its own right should be described. Some panic before death.
I dont want to know that there is a sound outside the door. I want to know what that sound is, so it stimulates my audio senses. A thud on the floor can be soft, as a body slumps to it, or can be loud as the body falls at full length.
He's a shit politician, but read Jeffrey Archers collections or Wilbur Smith. both have a fantastic ability to make you taste the air, feel a sound.. they can twist all the senses about to make you become part of the story, rather that the observer of it.