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I want to write a book
18:36:33 Nov 10th 08 - Mr. Bulador:

I intend to write a book and wonder if you could read it

The book is about Sophia and Michael is in love with each other but can not be married to each other for Sophia is the princess and Michael is the garden master's son.
In the city it flows freer to Sophia in each dag.kungen have thanked NO 4 years to each freer to Sohpia not want to get married but now he can no longer say no, so he organized a triple battle of Sophia han.Micheal hear it and so here I have written

Under the deal månskenet meet the two pairs of love in the king's garden.
I heard that the king declared a contest on your hand, said young Michael.
It is because my father had no val.För every day, someone to ask my father for my hand and he can no longer say no to me, "said Sophia.
Why!
To order or later they will use violence and then the war to break out and I do not, she said
Fly with me when far away from any worries.
Unable to wherever we go, they will find us or later, she said.
Because they can not find us if we disappear far beyond the horizon.
I love you but what you say can get you to be hung, she said.
Please say yes, he said.
Yes, with a weak voice
So they decided to flee in two days and that they would meet each other here, but that they did not know was that the prince sans svurna patron heard every ord.Oavsett what they thought it was obliged to report to the king even if they thought they were sad to see.
 
The King may be out there and prohibits Michael to meet henne.Sophia think anything happened to him

Threefold fight begins

First tone ring tones and no one will win an unknown knight. The white knight
other competitions going on the trip, which
to win glory for Sophia doing good deeds.
3 fight is about, to answer a question while holding a ball that lights red when lying.
Threefold fight win white knight by some to be Michael.
some of the suitors are dissatisfied and wage war against riket.micheal and great here and loyal friends that he has been among the suitors, helping him to win the war but when he returns home so he may learn that while he was fighting so came the unknown Black Knight and Sophia took with them.
Michael travels to Black City to take her back. In his so rser he faces many ex dragon, black Elf and other magical creature and 12 fighters who work for the black knight.

 

There is more


18:36:49 Nov 10th 08 - Mr. Bulador:

what do you think about this so far


18:39:32 Nov 10th 08 - Sir Wilber:

Sum it up to me in 3 sentences and i'll tell you.


18:57:33 Nov 10th 08 - Duke Arzun:

WAY to many mistakes, edit before you post. And it sounds too familiar...


22:58:14 Nov 10th 08 - Mr. Opportunity:

Is it written in a different language? cause some words are not familiar at all, making it unreadable for me


00:42:27 Nov 11th 08 - Duke Maltorv:

I can't read it, the English is too broken.  From my impressions, however, it sounds cliche.


03:47:34 Nov 11th 08 - Mr. Bob Cratchit:

Love det!


07:43:20 Nov 11th 08 - Mr. Bulador:

sorry i will remake


08:02:04 Nov 11th 08 - Mr. Hannibal:

The story is a little bit cliche, but if you clean it up a little and work on making the english a little more natural it could end up as a fine story.


08:53:00 Nov 11th 08 - Prince Mielo:

yeah, you should listen to Arzun ... he knows everything about books, in fact that's all he has in life ;)


12:28:43 Nov 11th 08 - Mr. Himanil V:

You certainly need to work on the English and it does sound slightly familiar. But with effort and a bit of crafty ingenuity you can make it very good.


18:25:40 Nov 11th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

I intend to write a book could you guys give me some advice


The book is about Sophia and Michael are in love with each other but can´t  get be married to each other because  Sophia is the princess and Michael is the garden master's son.
Each day new  suitors comes to the city just for Sophia.Sophia is admired by everyone in the kingdom Lotharnia.Because of her beauty and her wisdom.People of the kingdom of Lotharnia
things of her as the angel of Lotharnia. 
The king  has said no to all the suitors for 4 years because she was young and she was the thing that he lives for and now that she is 17 years old and the city is full with the most powerful men he has determined to find a perfect husband for her. One that can rule the kingdom and take care of Sophia when he dies.Triple contest and the winner gets
Sophia.Micheal hears about this and this is what i have written so far :

Under the moonlight the love pairs meets in the king's garden.
I heard that the king declared a contest for you hand, said young Michael.
It is because my father had no choice.Every day  someone asks my father for my hand and he can no longer say no  "said Sophia.
Why! 
Because sooner or later they will use violence and the kingdom i love and the people i care for are going to die and I do not, she said
Flee with me when far away from any worries.
Why the will find us wherever we go, sooner or later , she said.
Because they can not find us if we disappear far beyond the horizon.
I love you but what you say can get you to be hanged, she said.
Please say yes, he said.
Yes, with a weak voice almost whispering
So they decided to flee 2 day before the triple contest and that they would meet each other here, but that they did not know was that the  princess sworn protector heard everything.
Regardless how much the sympathized with the couple they were still obliged to report to the king even if they thought this was heartbreaking to see. 
This concise about what will happen after this

The King forbid Michael to meet´s her.Sophia is worried about Micheal and doesn´t know that the king found out about there plan of escaping.

Threefold  contest begins

First contest is dual and the winner is a unknown knight. The white knight, King Bazltar , prince Ronal some more people
The second  contest is  a trip around the kingdom to win glory for Sophia doing good deeds.
3  contest is about, to answer a question while holding a ball that lights red when lying.
Threefold contest winner is The white knight who proves to be Michael. 
King Bazltar and some  of the suitors are dissatisfied and wage war against Kingdom.Micheal and his  loyal friends that he found among the suitors, helps him to win the war but when he returns home so he  learns that while he was fighting so the legendary Black Knight took away Sophia took with them wiht his.He and his cursed army of demons.He finds out that the Black Knight lives at end of the world. Michael travels to Black City( the world end) to take her back.
In his journey he faces many enimes and dangers  ex dragon, black Elf and other magical creaturs and 12 fighters who work for the black knight.When he arrives at the Black city . He sees a Sfinxen  that guards the city entry.Micheal needs to answer a  riddle to get in . Michela solves the riddle but the Sfinxen  says . If you can answer this one  too  then i will tell something about the black knight something that you and he have in common.He solvede this riddle too and finds out that the black knight is his brother and that his brother have killed there
father.Micheal enters and finds his brother fast . He  and his brother fight each other. micheal kills his brother and then Sophia comes in and finds the black knight dead.micheal doesnt know that sophia fell in love with the black knight.
She takes up micheals bloody sword and throws her self at the sword dies.
 
The white knight wanders crying among the stars after destroying the Black city
  If you look up at the stars you can see a shining star that moves slowly away.
 
 
 
What do you guys thing and i would appreciate  your opinion


23:03:51 Nov 11th 08 - Sir Wilber:

omg laggage.. triple post


23:03:52 Nov 11th 08 - Sir Wilber:

Too many mistakes, not enough detail, makes no sense in places. Explain why stuff happens, describe the characters.


23:03:52 Nov 11th 08 - Sir Wilber:

double post


07:31:40 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

i wrote agian


07:39:43 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

and this is just a overview of the book i am going to write in english


07:48:07 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

swedish not english


17:30:46 Nov 12th 08 - WolfLord Durza Von Quagmire III:

You all judge it while it is far to early in the making, as he says it is an overview, let him fini*beep* before you slate it..!


18:50:35 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Blast of Darkness:

err its nt very original...at all...And apart from orinality, if the king was the type to arrange marriages the princess would most likely already be engaged. He wouldnt say no to really high-up in authority suitors specially when he knows his daughter loves a gardener. He would marry her off to someone as quickly as possible to squash the chances of the gardner marrying her.


19:20:58 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

The king is a  fair man and he want a man worthy for his throne and his daughter so he wants to test them all. Yes you have right that is not very orignal because i read alot of books. I am a dreamer  and always been so i want to do something. To write a book is one of me dreams

 


19:21:18 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

WolfLord Durza Von Quagmire III

Report


11/12/2008 6:30:46 PM
You all judge it while it is far to early in the making, as he says it is an overview, let him fini*beep* before you slate it..!

 

Thx


21:52:37 Nov 12th 08 - Mr. Bleddyn:

sounds a bit too familiar really...I think someone else already published it xD


22:17:41 Nov 12th 08 - Sir Wilber:

Ah, you'll be writing it in swedish, never mind about the grammar and mistakes though. Durza, I asked for more detail, because we can hardly judge a book on some basic ideas. You need plot twists, sub-storylines, excitement and that certain energy that makes you want to read it all night and not put it down.

I want to see developed ideas, in the form of an overview. 


04:02:26 Nov 13th 08 - Duke Maltorv:

I want to see something original.  Have you guys ever seen the thousands of generic fantasy titles about kings and princesses and knights and wizards?  Any fantasy book these days will need something to stand out.

Michael, would you mind if I ask how old you are?  Writing is a hobby of mine too, has been for years now.  But a young writer can hardly hope to have their book published without massive alterations and revisions.


07:58:33 Nov 13th 08 - Mr. Micheal:

i am 17 year old and i am going to be 18 on januari the 1


08:04:34 Nov 13th 08 - Lord Charley Deallus:

*coughRolePlayingForumcough*


17:51:36 Nov 13th 08 - WolfLord Durza Von Quagmire III:

Sir Wilber

Report


11/13/2008 12:17:41 AM

Ah, you'll be writing it in swedish, never mind about the grammar and mistakes though. Durza, I asked for more detail, because we can hardly judge a book on some basic ideas. You need plot twists, sub-storylines, excitement and that certain energy that makes you want to read it all night and not put it down.

I want to see developed ideas, in the form of an overview. 

 

Ye notice though, he asked for advice, try giving him some, not saying "i want", you should be saying "try to"


17:51:36 Nov 13th 08 - WolfLord Durza Von Quagmire III:

double


19:13:51 Nov 13th 08 - Sir Wilber:

Fine, try to get developed ideas, in the form of an overview... is that better :P

 

E-politeness is not my forte.


23:47:53 Nov 14th 08 - WolfLord Durza Von Quagmire III:

Yes, that is much more acceptable..!

a 7/10 for effort..!


02:54:21 Nov 15th 08 - Duke Arzun:

Prince Mielo

Report


11/11/2008 3:53:00 AM
yeah, you should listen to Arzun ... he knows everything about books, in fact that's all he has in life ;)

Shup Mielo : )


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