Forums / Roleplaying / Sp@malot vs. Mustardon

The God of Sp@m, Septim, stands upon the plains of Hamal, looking out over the vast battlefield. His soldiers, mostly clones of him armed with sp@m assault rifles, sp@m pistols, sp@m 4 explosive charges, and armored with SP@M assault armor that absorbs most of all damage sustained, run at the enemies, his clones are augmented with special serums, enhancing their natural strength, agility, and intelligence beyond normal means. They run up and open fire on a group of anti-sp@mmers, mowing them down and eliminating the last of the anti-sp@mmers and all but one of the corned beef troopers, their leader, Sausage Roll, was still alive somewhere, and Fizban's descendant was also alive, but would more than likely take no part in the war that was to follow the C.B. wars, as Septim would be fighting a new menace, Mustardon under the rule of Erunion Telcontar. 

Septim appeared in front of his troopers and congratulated them.

"Good work men, I have recieved new reports of a new menace to the south, a new enemy has risen, the forces of Mustardon under their leader, the former Duke of Sp@m, Erunion Telcontar, I want you to take the rest of the sp@mmers down there. I know you all can do it...", said Septim before disappearing in a mist of sp@m.

***

"Oh sp@m! My ears are bleeding man! My ears are bleeding!", yelled a young sp@mmer over the noise of Sp@m assault rifles and Must sub machine guns, the sp@mmers managed to take out the small scout unit, but the main army had yet to come, luckily, there was plenty of more sp@mmers on the way...

(Sign up for either the side of Sp@malot {my side} or Mustardon {Erunion Telcontar's}. The main war will begin Wednesday, when I return, until then keep it to small scout fights...)

Another mustardbot walked it's way up behind the clone army. It had the Bread Cloak of invisibility activated...
Before the poor deluded sp@mmers could react, a wave of mustard poured out of the mustardbot 3.0. This was no ordinary mustard, but Sentient mustard! It overwhelmed the poor fools, drowning them in a sea of sharp goodness.

Another platoon of Sp@mmers bought the dust.

Meanwhile, in his mustard-encircled-keep, Erunion sat at his desk, guarded by his Nano-Mustard suit.
"Sire! I fear that the cows will attack us, as we make beef taste so darn good. We do however have the support of the millmen and the wheat farmers. Mayonnaise is also being very helpful, sending us many funds."
"This is a dire situation. Who would have thought that the sp@mmers would attack us?? We have only ever made meat taste more good, canned or real. This, however, is life. Humans are fickle fiends. We must stop this menace!"
Another messenger came in.
"Our mustard Ents found the Entwives! In gratitude, the Mighty Ents have decided to join forces with us! We are ready to outfit them with armour, weapons and fire-repellents as soon as you give the O.K."
"Excellent. We will need all the allies we can get."

{[yeah... I'm not gonna say anything.... good work guys.]}

*Might grabs his popcorn and turns on his plasma TV to watch the war. He sends for a messenger to go to Septim and Erunion and tell them that, "Might is open for a alliance ,but you must prove yourself to him before he will join and help you against your enemies."*

Septim SL10 awoke to see his entire platoon dead, his muscles ached, luckily he had lived, SL armor had a built in medisp@m injector. He crouched and called into HQ.

"This is Sp@mmer-SL10, my entire platoon is dead, I am the only survivor", said SL10, looking at his forty-nine dead men. Suddenly a Mustardbot came through the trees, but a small explosive was launched from SL10's wrist into the Mustardbot's head, it dug deep inside and exploded, destroying the top half of the bot.

"We will send a SP@Mcopter to pick you up...", said the man at HQ.

Five minutes later, SL10 was on a chopper back to HQ, wanting revenge for the deaths of his men.

"Sire, I fear that we will soon run out of recruits."
Damn, there are so many sp@mmers...
"Step up droid and weapons research, and lets see where cloning can take us. Even if they have more men than us, I'd choose quality over quantity any day."

As the Sp@mcopter sped through the skies, a MustardHawk swooped down. The missiles fired from it tore the Sp@mcopter apart...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Your Grace! Our cloning has been successful, our army of Erunion clones is now under production..."
A chemist then walked in;
"Your Grace! We have discovered a new element, and have named it 'Mustardium.'"
"Very good, both of you. What are the properties of Mustardium?"
"This wonderful element can.{Left blank for purposes of evulness.}."
"ZeTa! Amazing! Impossible, even..."

{BWahahahahha....}

Plato decides to send a letter to Septim to join.  He then kicks Might and sits in the chair to watch the war.

*Might looks at the mortal trying to kick him out of the chair with disgust. He picks up Plato and throws him into Carrothia.*

Hopefully Shezmu will teach the mortal manners.

Erunion's himself penned the letter to the demon lord of Carrothia.

"Most wicked, cruel and plain old fashioned evil Demon Lord of Carrothia,

I request your assistance in this war, having an ally such as yourself would surely result in victory for Mustardon.
In exchange for your help, I would give all prisoners over to your... Care, as well as an unlimited supply of mustard.

What say ye?

Erunion Telcontar,
Duke of Naergothrendar,
High lord and ruler of Mustardon.

*Sits on his throne made from ancient dragonbones*
"hmmm...a plea for my aid in battle...usually I don't pick sides...but this...this might actually be fun...even if Erunion Telcontar has been one of the good guys..."

*reads the letter send to him a bit further when he's distracted by a weird sound from the dark corner*
"what the hell?! Plato?! get out of my castle this instant, you infidel...begone!!! guards! put this freak of nature in the dungeons...and make sure he suffers greatly!!!"

*stares at Plato*
"better yet...feed him to my shadowhounds...they need to be fed before being send out to aid Erunion Telcontar and the armies of Mustardon"

*sends out a messenger to inform Erunion Telcontar that he can count on the Carrothian Hordes to aid him in this battle...provided he does send the captured soldiers directly towards Carrothia for further...ehm...disposal...*

"Elder Mages!...ready the portal...and make sure it's big enough in order for my Shadowhounds to pass through safely...General! ready the Carrothian Horde and the Carrothian Battlemages...we're going to war!!!"

*a few moments later a messenger steps in...*
"Oh unholy one...it seems Plato has dissapeared..."

"We must send all available droids into battle..."

"Mac! I am most grateful for your allegiance. I hereby place all Mustardbots under your command, to support your droid armies. I will personally command the rapidly growing Clone army and the commando Nano-mustard squads."

*sends another letter to Septim and battle plans*

"Man, glad I got away from the errie castle."

[So.....no one wants my help then? Fine.]

*Might sips his coffee.*

*back in the dimensionrealm of Carrothia*
"what do you mean...they ATE their riders?! how the hell can ALL my Shadowhounds eat ALL their riders when they are sitting ON them ffs?!"

*stares in disbelief at one of his generals*
"right...this is the last time I use gaia's to be the riders of my Shadowhounds...also it's the last time they take baths in blood...what where they thinking...stupid gaias"

*stares again at his general who chuckles a bit*
"what do you mean...april fools?! it aint the first of april nomore you lowlife scum!!! someone kill this guy right NOW!!!"

*Shezmu watches in delight when his other generals rip their fellow soldier apart in front of him...*
"right...feed his remains to the Shadowhound puppies...the sooner they taste blood...the better..."

The God of Sp@m, Septim, sends a message asking for help to Might the God of Cows.

"Bad news your grace, it seems that Sp@mmer raids have doubled on our platoons."
"Alright then. Every platoon is to be issued one of the new scanners. This will be active at all times. It can sense movement, noise and body heat within a kilometer. Redouble our efforts to disrupt enemy communications and scouting parties."

Wraith sees the servant coming towards him holding a sandwich and a letter.

"Infidel, what kept you so long with my sandwich?!"

"I'm sorry but -"

A slash and the servant is killed. Wraith picks up the sandwich and eats it while picking up the letter and reading it through.

"Oh, so thats what kept him... Oh well..."

Wraith writes a letter to the Cow Majors to arm the troops and come to his office. Then he finishes off his sandwich and goes to see Might"

Wraith picked it up and looked at it.

"Bleh, how much 'kick' could it have to it?"

"Oh and I wanted to ask what the research facility are currently up to. Last I checked they were playing with paper and glue so i thought you could kick start some super-mega-awesome weapon from them."

Wraith shrugged, bowed and walked out to his office. The Majors were there and Wraith pulled out a map and started pointing out places on it.

"Mustardon are here, here and we think they attacked here. So we have to ** ****, ***** **** *** **** *** **** *** ** ****. **** **** **** ** ******* ***** **** **** ** ** **** **** ** **** ** ** BOOM. * ********** **** **** **** Mission: BOOM. Everyone Understood? Good. Make it happen."

They nodded and left.

{Censored for obvious reasons. xD}

*Fighting on the sides of Mustardon, thousands of cheap battle droids march at the battalions of Sp@malot. As the battle begins the Sp@mmers take casualties and take down some droids, but it is only a feint. In the distance several advanced droids armed with high powered rifles open fire at the Sp@m leaders.

As battalion commanders go down, the organized copy/paste (Sp@m) troops turn into a mob. Running wildly around they are soon torn to shreds by vastly superior troops.*

*The three sp@mmers suddenly draw suicide pills from their anal cavities and swallow them, they die before any twisted labwork can be done.

***

Septim recieves the message from Plato.

"Send him my thanks, and tell Charley II that I would provide protection if he would need it at any time during the war, I still have plenty of tricks up my sleeves..."

*Mr. Charley II recieves the letter from Septim and decides to mobilize his troops.....instead of sending out hundreds of thousands of troops he decides to send elite commando squads that would do much more effective work with less casualties.  He outfits them with light-weighing but incredibly durable Titan Terraform Steel Armor or (TTSA), FCS Headgear with HUD included that displays information on all visuals and also added GPS tactical battlemaps for quick response and assault plans. Most of the commandos were then fitted with semi-automatic CLONE assault rifles with silencer attachments and attached 3 time use grenade launchers on the underbelly, a few were given semi-automatic, ,50 caliber sniper rifles and were given special CAMeleon armor, and the final few were given full automatic, .50 caliber CLONE machineguns and were outfitted in heavy Cryosteel plated armor for optimum defense against mustard.  They were loaded in Falcon Assault Dropships with Durasteel Armor Plating and emergency Speed of Sound (SoS) capabilities.....the troops were ready....and were deployed....they were the finest creations and had killed in order to be in the positions they were now

*Mr. Charley created a dozen special clones just like himself so that his life will never be in danger....and then....dissapears from all knowledge leaving his Commander clone known simply as Charley. 

Charley took command of a team of 5 clone commandos and led an attack on a small Mustardon droid manufacturing facility.  They entered the compound and worked their way into the infrastructure where they places strong explosives on the machines producing droids and set them off. 

The remaining droids immediately sealed off the entrances and began moving in to corner the troops.  2 of the troopers immediately set proximity mines in the hallways and set up machinegun nests on either hallway before finally opening up on the incoming droids. 

Charley and his demolitions expert found a weak spot in the walls and blew a hole in it before pulling out without casualties.  They pulling out to a clearing and were picked up by a Falcon Assault Dropship before flying over the compound one last time dropping EMP mines all over the area destroying the robot circuitry*

*wanders the halls of sp@malot until he reaches the barracks, where he finds the magic and healing commanders*