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Mr. Holycowitsme


Lived in age 0 of Tutorial X and got 1 heir(s) (Defection).

In this dangerous and violent world, there's only one person you can truly rely on to keep you safe, me, your every day street cleaner.

Not everyone can comprehend these controls due to their complexity, but lucky for the world, I've mastered these controls.

I don't even control this vehicle with my hands, I just think, and the automobile responds, and it speaks German, and I don't speak German.

You may think it's an easy job, just clean up crap stains on the city streets, but you coulden't be more wrong.

I've had to cut ties with my family, and everyone I've ever met. My own twin brother doesn't even know I exist, and I have to keep it that way in order to protect him from my enemies.

I've slaughtered more people then I care to count, because these losers stood in between me, and my street cleaning responsibilities, and when you're driving the fastest vehicle to ever grace the planet Earth, there are no survivors.

I run through stop signs and red lights with no consequences, I am above the law.. Beyond it, I am.. A street cleaner.. And nothing will stop me.. From cleaning these dirty streets.


..

Getting on to the real story, however, this is the tale of me, an unknown enigma to all citizens, warriors and kings. People see me as someone who has no name, so decides to call me whatever they please.

My name, is Critikal, a standalone name where my mother decided to name me after an intense birth. After my birth, my father killed my mother, and left me to die, lucky for me, I became friends with a old, dark looking mage of some sort.

He told me his name, which I may never reveal to anyone for some reason, and he drew blood from me, telling me it was my only safe way to survive. I did as he asked, and over the years he began to age, soon dying at a place called Tunaji. I lived there for another fifteen years, but was confused. I noticed as time went by, I did not age, instead I began to grow patches of hair, on my hands at first, but it would spread to my body later on.

I decided after two years, while most of my body was covered in hair, not at the point of it looking as real hair but still enough to tell I was different, I would travel. I encountered a small village, of who they greeted with fire and weaponary, calling me a vile disgusting beast, and to go back to the hills from which I came. I had no idea what they were talking about, so I ran.

A few months later, I saw a fire, as I headed towards it I realized it was the village that I had been to a few months ago, however it was being razed by a large number of large burly warriors. I decided to get a little closer, but was caught immediatly. They looked very strange, not men, stronger and more hairy, like I was. A man, or beast, by the name Gurthala came to me, and said I was born to be a destined hero of their tribe. They must have been mistaken, for I was just a kid.

They told me I would never age, instead, I would gain strength and power with each battle, whether I lost or won, and I would become a prince among Orcs, whatever those were. I was then led to battle, given a small blade, and forced to kill. I had never fought, but it was hell, however, by the time I had smite a man trying to kill me, I felt something, something like I had never felt before.. A feeling that made me want to do it more, like it was my lifeblood, and I killed more. I slaughtered entire families, armed or fleeing, and I reveled in their blood. As the battle was ending, I noticed a small kid, he was cowaring in fear before me, and my leader told me to kill him, but I recognized him from somewhere...

He told me that he was the mage from before I was with the Orcs, and he said he needed my help, the leader snarled and told me to kill him or he would end me, but as I turned, the boy was gone, and the leader too furious with the amount of losses to care anymore. He said I should proceed with a party of ten, to a city called Kuthrularg, so I journied with these Orc men.

Years later, we arrived, it was a small petty city with no real hierarchy established, but as we neared, they yelled in victory, screaming something about a king to lead them through victory at last. I must have been walking with one of the most amazing men in my life, but nobody looked at them, all eyes were on me. I soon realized they wanted me as a leader.. And here I am.. A kid in this world, and soon.. My lust for battle will emerge again, and I will reign hell upon this foul Earth.

My name is Critikal, and I am your end.