Forums / The hangaround / Funniest Joke
| Funniest Joke | ||||
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Post the funniest joke that you have ever heard here. | ||||
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note
-- romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Darling, I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love, Hollingsworth P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing. | ||||
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what do you call a tree that smells everything? a consnifferous tree in case you didnt get it it makes fun of the conniferous tree lol yeah its a lame joke | ||||
lol yeah that was kinda lame...xD | ||||
Vaseline and a Harley. A guy wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across A Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and I n absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he Kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to Meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and Says, "I have to tell you something about my family before We go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the First person who says anything during dinner has to do the Dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living Room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up On the stairs, in the corridor, Everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a Word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the Situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody Says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws Her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously Livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and Has his way with her right there on the Dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but Still, Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it Starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline From his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the bloody dishes!" | ||||
that one is just rofl | ||||
Bull*beep* and Brilliance
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LMAO xD | ||||
Divine Grandmaster Sepelchure Grail Kingdom Of Cyprus
InformationThis is a crusader Kingdom.For those who look at our current standing you will see our time so far has not been much of a crusade. We have not stood As Firm As i would of hoped in the face of our enemies. Our Lords And Lieges. Our So called Loyal Knights Flee in the face of battle. But our soul still stands. We Are recruiting new Lords for A second Crusade amongst the Worlds of Utopia. | ||||
Isn't it ironic how both Sepelchure and Stewie get called the funniest joke, while they are against eachother also :S | ||||
I caleld Stewie that as a joke ;) | ||||
O.O So u calling me a joke was a joke? Please dont joke like that u joker. | ||||
SK is a joke :p | ||||
haha i like that one! =P | ||||
Life is a joke. My teacher would agree with me on that one. | ||||
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
xD | ||||
A ground squirrel asks a woodchuck a question, "What do you call an elephant crossed with a hippo?" | ||||
Stupid Americans: | ||||
Sneaky bastards. | ||||
There exists a common urban legend claiming that the Americans spent $11 million developing the Space Pen, and the Russians used a pencil.[1] In fact, NASA programs have used pencils (for example a 1965 order of mechanical pencils[1]) but because of the danger that a broken-off pencil tip poses in zero gravity and the flammable nature of the wood present in pencils[1] a better solution was needed. NASA never approached Paul Fisher to develop a pen, nor did Fisher receive any government funding for the pen's development. Fisher invented it independently, and then asked NASA to try it. After the introduction of the AG7 Space Pen, both the American and Soviet (later Russian) space agencies adopted it. Previously both the Russian and American astronauts used grease pencils and plastic slates.[2] | ||||
Sneaky bastards. | ||||
wow septim u should get out of ur room from time to time mate.... | ||||
Ancient times... | ||||
hahahahaha lmao!! xD | ||||
Lol I heard this... Put it was a tribe of cannibals and prickly pears :P | ||||
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the | ||||
A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all | ||||
Me trying to flame Cobra back :P | ||||
Man’s best friend is the dog. Want proof? Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, drive around for an hour, then open the trunk and see which one is happier to see you. | ||||
@nate - i have heard that one aswell besides mine was cannibals and if they said anything then they would be killed and they had 10 grapes 10 oranges and 10 pinapples | ||||
haha yeah thats funny!!! ROFL! xD | ||||
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i found that one in the form of a riddle the other day | ||||
haha that was good ...lol!!! xD | ||||
A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what’s your final question?" | ||||
lol | ||||
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." | ||||
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. | ||||
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window... | ||||
ROFL nice ones! | ||||
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. | ||||
some of these are really awesome! ive ehard some before some in different ways tho. i heard the tarzan one (on VU actually) as jane asking how he had sex and he said he used holes i ntree trunks and she said "thats not right" and takes off her clothes and offers herself to him and he kixks her in the groin saying he always checks for bees. but its still funny =P | ||||
One evening this drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and happens to notice a 12" tall man standing on the bar. Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him; "What the hell is that?" The guy next to him replies "He's a pianist!", to which the drunk replied "Horse *beep*, your pulling my leg" So the guy next to him picks up the 12" man , grabs some books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this little man started hammerin out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons. Stunned, the drunk asks "That little guy is cool, where the hell did you get him"? The fella told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley, rubbed it til a genie appeared, and was granted one wish. All of a sudden the drunk hauls ass out the back door, finds the bottle, and starts rubbing it: when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish. In a slur, the drunk asks "I wish for a million bucks". All of a sudden, the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead *beep*tin all over him. Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and begins cursing "You son of a *beep*, I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks *beep*ting all over my new suit." The fella started laughing and wildly exclaimed "You don't really think I wished for a 12" pianist do you?" | ||||
hahahahahhaah ROFL that was really funny!! wow nice one!! | ||||
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn. | ||||
hahahhahaha wow where do u find these Mr. Opportunity?? lol keep posting ...xD | ||||
Two *beep* men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible. So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs. Nine months later, the two fags are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs. "Wow," one of the *beep* men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here." A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass." | ||||
Opportunity, i heard the herpes joke, but it was with a priest still funny though. | ||||
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
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