Forums / The hangaround / Jokes III

Everyone can post their jokes here. I think everyone can use a laugh, especialy Grumpy Old Star ;p

Boy Meets Girlfriend's Parents

Branden Faulkenham was a farm boy who rarely left the farm out in East Andover so you can imagine how he must have reacted the first time a girl paid any attention to him. He went to school each day but mostly minded his own business and as soon as school was out, he headed straight home to do his chores.

One day while at school, Branden met a girl and even though he had not the slightest idea what to do with a girl, they saw each other as often as they could while at school.

This relationship went on for some time when one day Sally asked him to come to her house on Friday night for supper and meet her parents. Branden was quite hesitant at first but Sally explained that because this was such a big event for her and her family that they could have sex after the dinner was over.

Branden was nervously excited partly because he had never had sex before but he had heard some things about it. So, he headed down to Rumford to the LaVerdierres pharmacy to get some condoms and anything else he could think of.

He began talking with the pharmacist about his situation and getting some advice. The pharmacist was extremely helpful in answering many of Branden's questions and when he had finished, he asked him if he would like a 3-pack, a 12-pack or the new family pack. Branden explained that he better take the family pack as it would be a very busy night for him being that it was his first time.

Friday night came and Branden was greeted at the front door by Sally and they immediately went into the dining room for dinner. Oddly, Branden sat down almost immediately and offered to ask the blessing on the food.

Everyone bowed there heads and Branden did his and remained silent as his lips moved to the words he was saying in his silent prayer. This continued for a very long time until Sally finally leaned over and whispered in Branden's ear, "I didn't know you were so religious!"

To which Branden replied, "I didn't know your father was a pharmacist!"

rofl penguin fvcker.

The Ferrari!

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: A brand new
Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it
costs him $500,000.  He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to
him.  The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of
car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million
dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young
dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.  Then,
sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all
right...but I'll stick with my moped!"

Just then the light improvements, so the guy decides to show the old man
just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the
speedometer reads 160 mph!

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be
getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly...
Whoooooosssshhhhh!  Something whips by him, going much faster!  "What
on Earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks
himself.

He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.  Then,
up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped!

Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and
passes the moped at 275 mph.  Whoooooosssshhhhh!  He's feeling pretty
good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him
again!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and
takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph  Not ten seconds later, he sees
the moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's
nothing he can do!  Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is
still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there
anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers with his dying breath...
"Unhook...my...suspenders... from...your...sideview mirror."

Lol at them both, but i've got a better 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e5tKtCoBfY

Stick around for the prank call, its so worth it

Stick around for the prank call, its so worth it

One of the Comedy Central jokes of the day...

Widow For One Year
	One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!'' ''I know!'' the next woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house but when I called he wasn't there.'' The third woman says, ''I always know where my husband is.'' ''Impossible!'' both women say, ''He has you completely fooled!'' ''Oh no,'' says the woman. ''I'm a widow.''

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. 

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” 

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” 

 yes read Mr. Stalkers post. ^

I get it...sorta stupid... :-(

a nun wears black and white....a pengiun is black and white...he was trying to prove he didnt have sex with a pengiun...