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Sometimes life is great...
STORYTIME!!

It's 2am in the city.. a bar on the other side of the road is playing some oldie 80's pop music... Was playing a shoot-them-up game...  I'm tiered of the music, so I put my new speakers outside of the window, turn the volume to max, and was about to put the Rammstain, but then a great idea came.... I get out my laser, and point it at their tables like a laser, the guys laugh...
Then I click a few times (rifle shots).... the guys ran as fast as ever....
no more annying music :P

(c) Dark Rider

oooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something *beep*ed up happens.

So when I got a call from one of the guys I play VU with(Val), asking me if I wanted to go to a  party, of course I was excited.

For SURE there’s got to be something going on there, I thought.

Silly me.

So we get there and there’s this set up out in a parking lot where they’ve got a projection screen set up and a bunch of chairs. Nobody is sitting there in the chairs, so I don’t really pay too much attention. What I did pay attention to, is that this wild “party” was actually just 40 dudes standing around drinking, staring at 4 fairly homely looking transsexuals.

Ooh… I have a feeling this one might suck.

Whatever, I figure I’m here with some of my friends, and even if nothing *beep*ed up happens, and everyone else in the place is boring, it’s still a chance to kick it, sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods, have a couple of beers… it should all be good fun.

That’s the best thing about having funny friends, no matter where you go, even if it sucks, you can make fun of it together and have some laughs.

So we’re all standing around, bull*beep*ting and laughing, when all of a sudden some guys starts yelling an announcement.

“Ok, everybody take a seat, the movie is about to begin…”

…WTF? The movie?

“Take a seat everybody, it’s time for the reason why we’re all here.”

Huh?

Slowly we piece together that this isn’t just a party, but rather a screening party for a new Transsexual porno film, (I should have know when Val was the one to invite me).

OK. This is going to be weird.

The party stops, and they want us to sit down and watch the people *beep*.

So the plot is something like there’s a "chick" that is a private detective, and she’s trying to find some information about a crime, so "she’s" interrogating this guy. They start talking, and one thing leads to another, and next thing you know, he’s *beep*ing her/his face. Something silly along those lines. I don’t really remember exactly what the premise was, but I don’t think it’s all that important.

What is important however, is that this scene is being played for the whole audience of party goers in this parking lot, and this transsexual is on his knees violently shoving this guys *beep* into her mouth while making noises that sound remarkably like an otter. While this is all happening on the screen, someone says, “He’s here!”

A car pulls into the parking lot, and the Queen steps out and say*beep*o all her friends.

People applaud.

With her in the car, is a young guy,(Swifty) He looks like he’s in his early 20’s, and he doesn’t really seem like the type to be hanging around with a "chick" like her. Then I see his face when he looks up at the screen and sees the guy that he arrived with, and he’s got his legs behind his head like a contortionist while this rather rude gentleman is alternating shoving his *beep* in his ass, and then his mouth, over and over again.

Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth.

The guy is grunting like a gorilla, and every time he shoves it in her mouth, he’s making the otter noise.

The kid’s eyes are locked on the screen. He’s got this look in his eyes is like he really believes that his brain must be malfunctioning. Like he just can’t comprehend what he’s watching. Like as if he didn’t even know she was a Transsexual porn star. His jaw drops.

After about 30 seconds of this kid standing in front of the screen, frozen in the hypnotic spell of ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth… he turns to him asks him a question, and I hear him say, “I was gonna tell you.”

NO *beep*ING WAY.

I was gonna tell you?

Suddenly, the party just exceeded my wildest expectations.

Is it really possible that this "chick" could be so crazy that she would invite a guy to a party where a bunch of people are going to sit around and watch a movie of him getting gorilla *beep*ed and not let him know what he was in for?

How is this possible? I have to talk to this guy.

They’re talking, and I’m trying to eavesdrop, but the sound of the movie is drowning out their words. I’m only picking out every third or fourth word that they say, because the guy’s nuts are slapping off this chick’s ass every couple seconds with a sound that was like someone cleaning off chalk board erasers.

So now I’m hearing chalk board erasers slapping together, gorilla, otter, erasers, gorilla, otter…over and over again, and every couple seconds I pick up a word or two of their conversation.

The guy eventually leaves her side and heads to the bathroom, and I decide to grab him when he gets out, and hope that he’s willing to tell me what happened.

I just can’t wait. I know this is going to be hilarious.

I’m staring at the bathroom door waiting for him to come out with the same giddy anticipation star wars geeks must have when they’re sitting in the theater, and the opening credits are about to roll.

Finally, the kid comes out.

“Hey man, can I talk to you for a second?” At this point in time it was pretty clear that he didn’t know anyone here, and he looked like he needed a friend to talk to so I didn’t even feel bad for prying.

“Are you dating that, Um…chick?” “Um… well sorta. This is our first date.”

“Did you know that she did this or was this?” The kid starts laughing, “No, I had no *beep*ing idea. I just met her out at a bar the other night. She told me she was a makeup artist, I guess I should noticed the adams apple when she gave me oral on the way over here.”

WOW.

Could you even *beep*ing imagine the jolt that went through this kid’s mind when he first stepped out of the car and saw what was playing on that screen?

This whole thing must be a tremendous disappointment, but he was handling it like a champ with a smile on his face.

This girl is pretty hot, for a guy and he probably thought he had struck gold when he got her to go out with him.

He probably told all his friends that he most likely had met the woman he was going to marry.

Probably said that she was a real catch, and that he was going to scoop her up before some other guy steals her.

He probably picked her up for their date that night with sweaty palms and a dry mouth, giddy with anticipation. He might have even been so excited about this date, that he lost sleep the night before, tossing and turning just thinking about it. Hoping that it would all work out perfect and that he wouldn’t say something stupid and screw it up.

Everything was going great, until he stepped out of the car and looked up at that screen. The dream was shattered.

Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth… and a gaint Penor.

For a second or two, I bet he was even searching in his mind, trying to find some way that he could be OK with all this. I mean, this chick IS pretty hot, for a guy.

Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth. Gorilla, chalk board erasers, otter, gorilla, chalk board erasers, otter.

Nope, there’s no *beep*ing way this is going to work out.

Damn, that sucks. She’s pretty *beep*ing hot, for a guy.

Here's one i heard about a while back:

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

One day, YOU ALL SUCKED AND YOUR ALL LIERS, I ONLYE READ THE FIRST 3, THE 3rd was a cool joke, BUT THE FIRST @ UR SUCH LIERS.

NERDS

nerds are insulting i prefere the term swat sounds cool

In Netherlands we call people like Dwolf bullies!

Dwolf, please go somewhere where you are liked.

cool stew almost as cool sounding as swat

nice............