Forums / The hangaround / joke!

lol

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is
masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups,male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the
feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(IT GETS BETTER...)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine

("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have got a better model.

The women won naturally.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on

little Ralphy.   He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little RALPHY says, "Please Miss, I have a question for YOU".

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:   One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3,'" I said "6",

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3 x 2?'"

"What's the f*cking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful."

Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl*wjob."

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.

All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.   He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p*ss!!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, ! "You're an eight, but if you had bigger t*ts, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the   same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." 

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." 

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f*cking beautiful!'"

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from himsaid, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It   will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." 

Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f*cking business."

more little ralphy

more little ralphy

more little ralphy

I'm guilty of #2.  I refuse to use the controls on my TV.

I'm probably the worst at #2 If I can't find the remote I wont watch TV. I'll go do something else. Even after I've searched the entire house for 20 minutes.

More jokes please. I really need a laugh right now. :(

ok so this one kid wakes up in the morning and says "Mommy! Mommy!" i had a dream that grandma died!" the mother reassures the kid that she just talked to grandma last night and she is fine. That day she gets a call that grandma died in her sleep last night. The next morning the kid wakes up and says "Mommy! Mommy! i had a dream uncle Bob died!" the mother tells the kid that she just talked to uncle Bob last night and he was fine. that day she gets a call that uncle Bob died. The next morning the kid wakes up and says "Mommy! Mommy! i had a dream Daddy died!" So, the dad is careful driving to and from work that day, and he finally gets home and says "It was a hard day at the office." then the wife says " You think your day was hard, the milkman dropped dead on the front porch!"

LMAO

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.

He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.

He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"

"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."

"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."

"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus.

"Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.

You might be a redneck if your house is mobile and the six cars in your front 
yard are not.      

You might be a redneck if you have more than one living relative named after a 
southern civil war general.      

A couple made a deal that which ever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life. Her biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.

Mary ... Mary ....

Is that you Fred ?

Yes, I have come back like we agreed.

What is it like?

Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bath in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty all afternoon Supper-then sex till late at night, Sleep then start all over again.

Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven.