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A VU Christmas - TEH SEQUALZ!
Written by a drunk hobo.

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In the land of VU, there stood a house peculiar to the others.  One, it was surrounded in giant sporks, but the thing that made it most peculiar was the person who was in it.  He was an odd man, that constantly yelled, "EPIK PHAIL!", "THIS IS SPARTA!", and "HOLY SPORKZ!"  Despite his insane disposition, he wasn't well known in VU.  He didn't care.  Everyone hated him.  He didn't care.  Some people liked him.  He stabbed himself in the pinkey.

Despite all these oddities, Santa saw to it that he gave him what he wanted every year.  However, one year, Santa didn't get the same warm welcome as the previous years.

***

A bottle of moonshine rolled across the floor, as Arvious rolled around on the ground for no apparent reason.  With a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a red-pellet paintball gun in the other, he randomly shot all the things in the house.  Suddenly, a fat man fell down the chimney and looked at him.

"HO HO... ho?"
"BURGLAR!" Arvious yelled, as he suddenly fired both his guns at him while rolling on his dinner table.

Santa fell to the ground, covered in red paint and sleeping darts.
Due to the surprise of his encounter, the alcohol suddenly went out of his system, and Arvious saw what he did.
"Oh crap, I killed Santa!" Arvious thought. "I'm due for a ban now."
Charley walked out of a random closet smiling and holding a banhammer.
"How the hell did you get into my house?" Arvious said, pointing his guns at him.  "Anyways, I'm in deep crap now."
Arvious was about to point his guns at himself before a thought struck him.

"Unless... it's time for 'ARVIOUS SAVES CHRISTMAS!'"

Arvious smile emoted and ran of to go raid Santa's body.  He found a seemingly bottomless bag of toys, a lot of XXL sized clothing, and a picture of Mary Christmas naked.  Arvious donated the picture to charity, and then ran off to go save Christmas.

***

Arvious ran up to a random person's roof and stared at the tiny fireplace.
"Well, if Santa can do it, I sure as hell can."
Arvious jumped into the chimney head first and fell in.

Penguin and Peter Jackson were both on the computer using Webcams.
"You ready for this?" Penguin typed.
"Tee hee, of course," Peter typed.
Both of them suddenly pointed their cams at a certain private place of there's and started to 'shake the sausage'.

Arvious got out of the chimney and dusted himself.
"Well, that wasn't so bad.  Now, to the presents part."
Arvious grabbed a present out of the bag and looked at it.
"What the... used condoms!?"
Arvious threw the package at the tree and pulled out a clean-freaks present and started to wipe himself.  Then, he turned around and started to look for his milk and cookies.

"Hey, what's that sound?" Penguin asked, as he wiped the 'snow' off his computer.
"I dunno, let's go check," Peter said.

Arvious walked into the kitchen and saw a glass of milk and some cookies.  Arvious licked his lips and walked up to it, taking a giant gulp of milk and a large bite of cookie.  Suddenly, he started to cough and puke all over the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT CRAP!?" Arvious yelled.

Suddenly, a light turned on, and Penguin and Peter, both naked, stared at him.

"Hey, how did you enjoy the drink?  It ain't milk, ya know."

"JESUS CHRIST!" Arvious said while grabbing a kitchen knife, stabbing himself in the eyes and tongue, and ran out the door.

"Well, that was wierd," Penguin said.
"Wanna go back to cybering?" Peter asked.
"Well, of course!"

***

Shuddering, Arvious walked around and found a brick house and a wolf at the door.  He approached the wolf and talked to him.

"Hey," Arvious said, "Merry Chirstmas and stuff."
"Hey there," the wolf said.  "Hey, Santa, I've been good this year, and I want you to do me a favor."
"Sure, what is it?" Arvious asked.
"Well, I have three meals- I mean, FRIENDS!  Yes, friends, in this house here, but they've, uhh, got plenty of coal, if you get my meaning.  Well, I want you to pay them a visit.  Trust me, I'll be very happy."
"Alrighty, you kind hearted wolf."

Arvious climbed onto the roof and jumped into the chimney.

The three piglets suddenly turned away from the door and looked at the chimney in fear.  They watched as a person started to climb down the fireplace.  Suddenly, one of the piglets pulled out a giant water-filled cauldron and put it under the chimney.  They all smiled and waited for the wolf to get boiled.

"AWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWA!" Arvious screamed as he jumped out of the pot and flew out of the cauldron, and into the sky.  The wolf sneered at Santa and then went into the house with knife in both hands.  Ten minutes later be walked out, covered in blood, and burped.

***

Santa woke up, covered in paint and darts.  He pulled them all out, and then grimaced.  He then noticed that he was naked, and that a certain picture of his was gone.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

***

Arvious, sore and tired of being Santa, made his way home, to find Santa awake.
"Heeeeeeey," Arvious said.  "How's it going Santa?"
Santa pulled out a submachinegun and a combat knife and moved closer to Arvious.
"Fuck," Arvious thought.

***

Santa climbed down a chimney sticking out of the ground and found himself looking at Michael Jackson.
"Hey, Mike."
"Hey, Santa.  Did you get me my present?"
'Yup, here ya go."
Santa tossed Michael a package of testicles.
"Cool," Michael said, as he popped one of the two in his mouth.  "Where did you get them?"
Santa smiled in an evil manner.
"Isn't it Arvious?  Hehe, get it?  Arvious... Obvious..."
"Uhh," M.J. said, "hey, does this smell like chloroform?"
Santa fell over onto the ground, as Michael smiled.

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Merry Christmas!

lol, same.  That was... interesting, but pretty funny!