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i missed you too swifty

why not use yahoo?

Team	Manager
Le Connoisseur	James Moore
The Fine Englishmen	David Lee
Multiple Scorgasms	Daniel Stirling
bojan-gles	Branniginho .
The Dungeon Slaves	Ivan Gashtilov
spireite sausages	Daniel Wood
Ark's Assassins	Robert Newell

ye.

not that it'll matter. you'll delete and recreate your account within a few weeks when you find you're bottom of the league

and thats what? Spying on swifty?

bojan's failed at every club he's been at since he broke through at 17

cy@ when you restart

Rly? where is the excitement gonna come from - its always gonna be the same. Bran is gonna change his team cause don't feel like winning with it, brenton and danwel will have a discussion/argument about supermarkets and new job opportunities, swifty is still gonna be the retarded grumpy swifty that he is, so where is the excitement again???

Oh, yeah...the only thing that is gonna change is fcuking suarez fcuking retarded wanking rabbit is not playing!!!!

i hate both of you.

i mean that. legitimate hate

i'm gonna go harder than those thai twinks have gone on sarahs assen

With less than 24 hours to go until the season starts, the bookies have released their odds for the league.

I'm putting a fiver on Bran's 2nd account. If Germany can beat Brazil 7 - 1, Bran's second account will sweep this season!

mine too lol

day 1 scores are in,

#	Team	Manager	GW	TOT
	1	The Fine Englishmen	David Lee	43	43
	2	Le Connoisseur	James Moore	36	36
	3	bojan-gles	Branniginho .	34	34
	4	Ark's Assassins	Robert Newell	29	29
	5	The Dungeon Slaves	Ivan Gashtilov	24	24
	6	50ShadesOfAndyGray	Joshua Reed	21	21
	7	Multiple Scorgasms	Daniel Stirling	20	20
	8	shire fc	Daniel Poole	14	14
	8	Forza Dream Team	Skarza Fordius	14	14
	10	spireite sausages	Daniel Wood	13	13
	11	Reddragons	Juan M Horisberger	10	10
	12	Sol Invictus	Shayne Wiggers	9	9

he's my multi we've been through this already in another thread. 

Scared to lose? Or just don't like to make new friends. 

This week in Dumbdumb chan: Bran talked about creating a new kd. There was much excitement. I think Horseburger was the first person to join. And the last. Reedle has ordered new internet. I can’t wait to see the joy on his face when he loads a full youtube video. Fordius returned to talk shit about United. Didn’t see that coming. Chade is a faggot. Danwell talked shit about DOTA and said it was for fgt virgins. 10 minutes later Danwell had dl'ed and was playing DOTA. David hasn't fucked off yet.

 Welcome to FF update #2.

Maybe. Probably. Definitely Legfriend - Crybaby Swiffers: Do you remember that James Bond guy who inconspicuously attempted to join LGC, was in some of TBL's kds and was in general, a moron? No, me neither. But we've got another case of undercover secret agent hidden shit here and accusing fingers are being pointed in all directions. "It's you", David gestured to Legend. "It's him. Haha oh well. :)" fingered Fordius. "Fuck off" I pointed, to Bran. Legfriend joined and earnt a 67 points this week to blow the competition out of the water. 7 of his player’s earnt 5 points or more. Captain Costa and Dier got 12/14 respectively. In one week alone he's almost caught Bran's 2 week total and for that alone he deserves a:

Points: 67

Final grade: A*

Transfers: none

Bruce Lee - The Fine Englishmen: Like all other Asians, David excels at tasks that require planning, dedication and most importantly: intelligence. Ergo: David's getting good scores each week and Bran is sinking faster than Reedle's hopes of getting some action on a night out with a fat bird. Selling Debuchy and bringing in Dier worked wonders for David, with Captain Costa and Mata contributing 12/10 each. With Vlaar and Bojan potentially injured and Felipe Luis still not getting games for Chelsea, David may be forced to dip into the market in the next few windows.

Points: 62

Final grade: A

Transfers: Debuchy (out), Dier (in)

Dr. Moorely - Le Connoisseur: Moorely treats FF like he does his women. He plays the long game. Slow, deliberate, calculated. 2 guys ahead of you in the FF chain? One of them fingering your FF title? Don't sweat it, Moorely. Play it slow. "Accidently" touch her hand, entice her. Draw her in. Then in week 28 after you've finally  introduced yourself, got her name and shook hands, fuck her right in the pussy. Adam Johnson, who Moorely had banked on fucking United's defence up, had the shits this week, which threw a spanner in the works. He was replaced by Moorely's namesake (and mudman, no less) who earnt only 1 point. Moorely's midfield trio of Ramsey, Hazard and Mata earnt 28 points between them. OptaJoe: 28 - points. Sorted.

Points: 55

Final grade: B+

Transfers: none

Josh Pubebeard - 50ShadesOfAndyGray: Reedle heard Sarah got mugged in Thailand this week. He called her instantly. "What did they take my love?". "My backpack, money, passport..everything!" she cried. Relieved, Reedle sat back. "Well at least you still got your virginity my dear." Sarah chortled. "No, I lost that to the 4 fingered downs guy on customer services ages ago and half a dozen guys since then!". Reedle has learnt from his mistakes of week 1 (hope you're taking notes Bran) and listened to Moorely. Elmo and Fletch out. 90 year old Naismith in. The pick of the bunch was probably Fat Tom who, defying the laws of gravity, somehow managed to have a good game, bag an assist and get a bonus point.

Points: 50

Final grade: B

Transfers: Caulker (out), Davies (in)

The Turk - Forza Dream Team: The thing about Ford is that you wouldn't notice him in Dumbdumb chan were it not for the trail of smileys. Because he never talks about his team and players. Ever. There's no self-deprecation or humility. Or constant discussions about tactics and transfers. Because he never talks about his team. Ever. Hardly notice him. Who is Ford? I don't know. Good question. Never talks. What team? The Kolarov pick (which I highlighted last week) backfired (as I predicted) when he wasn't selected for the game vs. Liverpool. Silva struggled to  replicate his form from last week while the expensive (7.0) Ivanovic was brought in to replace Sakho and he proved his worth by grabbing 12 points. I really want Ivanovic. Fuck sake.

Points: 50

Final grade: B

Transfers: Sakho (out), Ivanovic (in)

Robert Newfag - Ark's Assassins: No skype = no bants.

Points: 49

Final grade: B

Transfers: none

Ivan Kalashnikov - The Dungeon Slaves: While Rojo, an international footballer playing for the biggest club in the world has yet to get his work permit, the Bulgarian scrounging bastard Chade inexplicably has his. I don't even. Seb Larrson got a respectable 5 points from the Man United fixture that my Johnson should have got were it not for his bed shitting diarrhea. Talking of clean sheets, Courtois' 7 with the rest of the Chelsea contingent (Cesc 6, Costa 12) helped prop Chade up the table. Daniels in defence didn't play, neither did any of Chade's other substitute defenders, so he was forced to play out the week with 7 men and 3 cunts.

Points: 46

Final grade: B-

Transfers: Arteta (out), Larsson (in)

Daddy Danwell - Multiple Scorgasms: KT waddles into the living room excitedly, gown flowing around her, a huge grin etched across her face. Danwell is laid back on the sofa watching Jezza. "I can't believe it! 8lb 6oz! Can you believe the size of it!". Danwell wafts his hand around, disgusted. "And the fucking smell too. You forgot to flush again you daft cow." Danwell banked on United, Liverpool and Chelsea doing well this week. Unfortunately for him only the chavs prevailed. Lamela's 2 assists bagged him 9 points and fair play to Danwell for selecting him as I wouldn't of dared with all the midfielders Spurs have. Lukaku's yet to score yet and has a potential injury, so a swap out may be on the cards in the upcoming weeks.

Points: 44

Final grade: B-

Transfers: Young (out), Ince (in)

Wigger - Sol Invictus: No skype = no bants.

Points: 42

Final grade: C+

Transfers: none

Horseburger - Reddragons: Horseburger's been pretty quiet in Dumbdumb this week. I say quiet, I've had my fingers in my ears and ignored him at every fucking opportunity. To compensate for his lack of footballing knowledge, Juan's opted for a simple FF strategy: he only picks players he's heard of or seen on the TV. Which begs the question, where, why and how the fuck has he been watching Damien Delaney and Stephen Quinn? Bran adopted and quickly abandoned the same strategy after struggling to turn his own TV on.

Points: 41

Final grade: C+

Transfers: Fellaini (out), Quinn (in)

Branbragger - bojan-gles: You can almost see the cogs turn in his head when Bran screws up his pugnacious face and attempts to inflict a thought upon the world. Fuck a child dying every minute in Africa, a Bran brain cell dies every second when he tries solve a conundrum. We should set up a charity. Branaid. Hold a concert and raise money. But invite really shit musicians instead. Like Gabrielle Aplin. So how did he do this week? Well, he bought Rafael despite Moorely metaphorically ramming a "don't do it, he's injury prone" cock down his throat. He kept Bojan, who followed the Rafael cock. And his transfers? I don't even. Okay, here it is. Slowly. He sold a regularly playing Man United player, for a Man United player who is injured and didn't play. At the cost of 4 points. He also sold Leighton Baines (one of the best defenders in the game) and brought in Crystal Palace's Hangelaand in his place. Then he sold a free scoring  Costa and replaced him with a just-returned-from-injury Van Persie, who lo and behold, didn't score. And top it off he's now threatening to wildcard after 2 weeks of game time. Because FF is apparently a sprint. "And here we are, in the final of the men’s 100m Paralympic final. And that dribbling downer on the start line is Bran" *BANG* "..and he's running backwards".

Points: 38

Final grade: C

Transfers: Jones/Baines/Costa (out), Hangelaand, Rafael, Van Persie (in)

Hashman Hanky - shire fc: This guy is pushing you hard, Bran. Let that fucking sink in for you. Hanky is giving you a run for your money. Hanky. The guy who can't remember his own name, let alone his login details.

Points: 36

Final grade: C-

Transfers: none

Woody - spireite sausages: No skype = no bants.

Points: 14

Final grade: U

Transfers: none

For once you are right, goddammit it!!! and goddamn fcuking alarms that dont work...fcuk fcuk damn it!!!

"Samual5200"

That's me! Skype name is Samual5200 as well for anyone remotely interested!

Wish he wasn't.

This week in Dumbdumb chan: Bran, Chade and Cockbra had a discussion about Bulgarian houses, Prime Ministers, inflation and shit. #thirdworldproblems. Samual joined and said some real interesting shit. So interesting that I forgot to take notes. Definitately read it all. Ez made a guest appearance after homosexuality was mentioned and made fun of Reedle's pubebeard. Danwell's singing football chants to his newborn in the hope that it grows up to be a footballer. DJ has already learnt Adebayor's parents occupations and why he doesn't ride the bus anymore. Moorely is mad. Reedle told of how a lass sat next to him on the tube. Talking of tubes, wasn't that how his little brother was conceived?

Welcome to FF update #6.

Horseburger - Reddragons: The end is nigh. Tell your nearest and dearest you love them. Hug a stranger. Fulfill your bucket list. Share with the world your innermost secrets. Shout out what you've always wanted to say. Here, let me give it a go: Bran, you're a cunt. Ok, that's me done, I'm now ready to accept my fate. Yes lads, the end really is nigh. "Mudmen are nuking the U.K, Moorely? Just look at the state of Hull, they must of hit it hard!" Err.. Awkward. Horseburger earnt the most points this week. Pick your jaw up off the floor Yes. Horseburger. The same Horseburger whose captain is on the bench and his vice earnt only 4. The same Horseburger who had Dzeko sub in for 13 and Delaney 6. That Horseburger. This is the sort of FF world we live in. FF being FF. Kill me.

Points: 58

Final grade: A

Transfers: Hart, Gabby Bongalor (out), Daniels, Ulloa (in)

Maybe. Probably. Definitely Legfriend - Crybaby Swiffers: Legend finally confessed to it being his team this week. In other news, the Titanic sunk, Hitler was bad and Reedle is a fgt. After his relatively disappointing performance last week (besides Di Maria), Legend dropped the 541 formation and opted for a 442 with Costa/Dzeko up top. And it paid dividends. His strikeforce earnt almost 50% of his points total between them (12/13). New boy Bertrand added a 9 on the day he scored his first ever PL goal. And hopefully his last. His other signing Herrera has just broken his ribs and isn't likely to play for a while so have to consider selling.

Points: 56

Final grade: A

Transfers: Lamela, Pieters (out), Herrera, Betrand (in)

The Turk - Forza Dream Team: Fordius was subjected to some awful abuse this week. No, nobody tied fireworks to his wheelchair and pushed him backwards down a hill. Nobody mocked his durka durka ways. Nor did they force him to listen to Gabby Apples on repeat for 8 hours straight. It was a far worse than that. It was a special kind of abuse. Bran-abuse. Yes, Bran talked to Ford. And worse still, Bran mocked him for his team selection and comparative lack of points. But Fordius pulled it back by the end of the week. Day. Okay, within the hour Ford had over taken Bran again and normality was resumed. "ShowX" bagged 7 vs the Toon. Captain Costa 12. Welbeck welbeck'ed.

Points: 45

Final grade: B

Transfers: Moreno, Pieters (out), Williams, Clyne (in)

Bruce Lee - The Fine Englishmen: David's been getting too big for his geta (racial joke. dont give a fuck) recently. Somebody needs to bring him crashing back down to earth MH370 style. Similarily, nobody will probably find him. But that's largely because nobody will bother looking as we don't give a shit. He wild carded this week and I have to say the team looks awful familiar to me. But I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh, I know why. Because it's my fucking team. 7 of his first 11 are mine. The notable exceptions being Pelle and Costa who A) know how to score and B) aren't Rooney.

Points: 40

Final grade: B-

Transfers: Wildcarded my team in.

Josh Pubebeard - 50ShadesOfAndyGray: It says a lot about the intelligence of ASDA employees when Reedle is managing to top his stores mini league. I wonder what the prize for first is. Some George gear? A blowie round back from the 90-something year old poultry section leader? I tell you what, there won't be any prizes handed out for winning this league. Because I'm going to fucking win it. Reedle's decision to buy Ben Arfa 3 weeks ago is continuing to provide dividends. With 30 mintutes of game time to his name, he's now amassed 2 points. He's stinking the place out harder than Reedle did at Eurovirgin.

Points: 39

Final grade: B-

Transfers: Hernandez (out), Ulloa (in)

Ivan Kalashnikov - The Dungeon Slaves: Chade called my performance last week "lucky". I tell you what's lucky mate: the fact that I haven't reported your ass for deportation yet. Don't think I keep you around here for your company. Now finish that fucking wall and make a start on Danwell's wonky spire. Chade wildcarded this week and tactically decided to bench new keeper Guzan for his other new keeper Heaton, with Chelsea's match against Villa in mind. Guzan earnt 2, while Heaton earnt 0. Fine margins at work here: The difference between being a wasteman faggot and a scrounging slav. ShowX earnt 7 while Captain Costa (12) continued to defy Moorely's medical advice to not play football.

Points: 37

Final grade: B-

Transfers: Wildcard. Doesn't look like my team. Have a fucking medal.

Andre3000 - Samual5200: Samual's been learning the Dumbdumb ropes this week. Rule #1 You do not argue with Moorely. #2 You DO NOT  argue with Moorely. #3 Reedle is a fgt. #4 Bran isn't faking it. #5 Danwell told a joke once. #6 Fordius has peg legs. #7 Benton is a millionaire. #8 Fuck off, David. Pelle bagged 9, Costa 6. The decision to captain Ramsey (2) backfired when Arsenal drew 1-1 in an unusually low scoring game against Spurs.

Points: 37

Final grade: B-

Transfers: None

Daddy Danwell - Multiple Scorgasms: "Babby's growing", Danwell proudly beamed. "Putting on some real weight now. Turning into a reet porker." KT stopped sucking on her own tit for a second, wiped away the milk and beamed. "Yea, I'm up to 18st 4lb now.". Danwell benefited from Bertrand's (9) decision to be useful this week, while the decision to give the captaincy to new boy Di Maria backfired. Danwell will probably regret the decision to keep Wisdom benched after he scored 6 points for the second week in a row. He does know you can swap subs in, right? I doubt they even have subs at lower league levels.

Points: 34

Final grade: C+

Transfers: Krul, Ramsey (out) Di Maria, Forster (in)

Branbragger - bojan-gles: The levels of Bran bragging, crowing and chest beating was unusually low last week, bearing in mind he finished a high second. I suppose you can thank me for that. A Bran victory would have been unbearable. The swagger made an early return this week however. Bran drifted from high optimism, to mocking Ford, to the slow dawning of reality, to finally banking all his hopes on Cisse. Shit got so bad that with straws firmly clutched he spammed the chat with Cisse gifs of goals from his glory (?) days. Like Bojan, Fletcher, Toure and all of Bran's boys before them, Cisse failed to do anything of note. Oh well, he can always adopt a new favourite player and curse them. PlsbeCostaplsbeCostaplsbeCosta.

Points: 32

Final grade: C

Transfers: Krul, Naismith (out) Cisse, Heaton (in)

Dr. Moorely - Le Connoisseur:

Points: 29

Final grade: D+

Transfers: Welbeck (out), Ulloa (in)

Benton Rodgers - Australia's Finest:  No skype = no bants.

Points: 28

Final grade: C-

Transfers: Krul, Naismith (out) Cisse, Heaton (in)

This week in Dumbdumb chan: swifty, ford and dOvid were talking about PS4s...I ignored it completely! I will get to hear a lot of child talk in the next few years so I rather skipped 250+ messages. Vlad the Mad appeared out of nowhere after a long absence from dumbdumb and said he reads all the messages but doesn't respond...Hmmm, in online terms that seems like a former Soviet spy....spooky! Reedle managed to finally crack the 6 subscribers milestone he set in motion long ago. That will somewhat explain his absence from the chan, but meh....who gives a fcuk about Reedle's fans! Red is still trying to grasp English language to Dumbdumb's required 10% grasp capacity and is ready to "hit the ground"! The scary bit is that he means to hit it literally. Samual came and said some shit...I ignored it completely. Yeah, cause I was sleeping at the time! Danwell got attacked by a poo misile and he couldn't make it this week. I suppose I will soon be visitng him in hospital myself....in less than a freakin month.....In general everyone picked Di Maria, D Costa and Sigurdsson and we all had a fairly equal amount of points.



Welcome to FF update #7

Bran "the lucky shot" bragger - bojan-gles: After countless months of reading about Bran's claims that he "understands" football transfers I realised that maybe the air in Oxford is properly polluted and kills the last remainder of Bran's brain cells responsible for logical thinking. However, I was stunned to realise that due to extremely sunny day on Friday, the pollution have cleared just enough to allow Bran to have the vision to make three transfers, thus starting with -8 points, as well as faith in Cisse to keep him on. That decision has earned him a whopping 13 points after he scored both goals for Newcastle's draw with high firing Swansea, together with Hammers Sakho's tally of 8. A midfield line up of Di Maria, Sterling ( C ), Sigurdsson and Hazard got him additional 44 points.



Points: 79


Final Grade: A+


Transfers: Jenas, Yaya Toure, Rooney (Out), Jedinak, Sterling, Sakho (In)


50ShadesOfAndyGray - JoMatrix Reed: Lads, this might be one of the last chances we are ever gonna hear from Reedle, ever so, ever again! Now that he is building an army of online followers, he is slowly drifting away to the machine world. Somehow he managed to program his body to choose a brave lineup and somehow he got 67 points to move him up to third in the rankings. Man Utd gave Reed half of his points (35) from De Gea (8), Di Maria (13) and captain Falcao (14). Chelsea's win over Arsenal gave him another 17 points from Hazard and Costa.



Points: 67


Final Grade: A-


Transfers: Hernandez (Out), Ulloa (In)



The Dungeon Slaves - Simply genius! I am sure Swifty is banging his head on the wall and is thinking how do I do that? To do needless transfers, get weak players, play a GW with 3-4 injuries and still be above you in points? Well it is very simple and you were right the whole time! I live off from the taxes that you pay and can afford to hire a professional to choose the transfers for me. More good news to you mate, in less than a month you will have to pay for another Bulgarian!!!! A bit of poor performance from Fabregas and Sterling coupled with the usual "near-suck" performance from ShouX managed to hinder me topping the game week.



Points: 62



Final Grade: B



Transfers: КГБ Класифицирано


Le Connoisseur - Mr Mooretard - It seems that Swifty got frustrated and started accusing Bran of copying Di Maria from him as, apparently, he got it from week 1. Bran did the thing he always does - bragged, that he "brught" him the same night he appeared on ff and that he was saying how ludicrously cheap he was at the time. Swifty said some more shit. Most of it was like an encoded message coming from the slumps of an eastern-london-esque estate, so I completely ignored it...Unlike Bran's lucky gamble, Swifty's triple transfer policy helped him go down like a Bulgarian! A good week by Swifty's standards - his home grown, brought in week 1, Di Maria brought him 13 pts. Sigurdsson earned another 10 obviously he learned to listen to me and got Costa as captain and that brought him another 12 pts. the rest = shitty points.


Points: 58



Final Grade: C+



Transfers: Rooney, Ramsey, Coloccini (Out), D Costa, Silva, Taylor (In)


Fordy - Forza Dream Team - in a typical style, ford showed up in just a few occasions but predicted correct that he wont score much points and that the swans will draw newcastle. Bran acknowledged that ford is full of shit. This is how a tirade of aggressive nonsense between himself, dOvid and Bran of 300+ messages started. I honestly skipped it all. With Di Maria, Costa and Sigurdsson earning the bulk of his points, Ford still maintains the No 1 spot in the rankings.


Points: 57



Final Grade: C



Transfers: De Gea (Out), Forster (In)

dOvid Lee - The Fine Englishmen - It seems that dOvid lives only to paste links in dumbdumb that no one really cares about. But he is persistent. Like the persistency of flights from Air Malaysia...Of course, when he is not boring us with his useless info from the web, he is engaged in useless chat (see ford's description). Just like typical dOvid, he also got useless points. He also thought that just because Moore has the same surname as swiffers, he will inherit the later's energy, but little surprise that both namesakes are doom to failure.

Points: 56



Final Grade: C-



Transfers: Ramsey (Out), Gerrard (In)

Danwell Poo-rling - Multiple Scoregasms - as I said, Daddy Danwel got hit by a poo missile and succumbed. He did manage to get the same amount of points as Brenton though.

Points: 53



Final Grade: D++



Transfers: Ramsey (Out), Di Maria (In)

Grandfather Juan - Reddragons. Red managed to learn why his "subs werent subbed"...He even reached the conclusion himself stating proudly that "...there was another match going. so i think they will be at the end of this match..."?! No shit, Sherlock!!! Red's dominance from last week was gone in a blink of a Jeremy Clarkson's Porsche. He did manage to note the reg plate though - H982 FKL. Tough luck! Captain Mata was the highest scoring player in his team with 10 points (that's right, you've guessed it...that it AFTER the double points for captain). Ivanovic and De Gea were close behind.

Points: 46



Final Grade: D



Transfers: None

The rest - No skype = no bants = no mentioning!

The last few weeks in Dumbdumb chan (thanks international footy): Roy Keane released a sensational autobiography where he slammed former Manchester United team mates. Maybe I should give that autobiography-and-diss-friends lark a go? Chapter 1: Reedle's a mong. I wonder if Keane re-told the story of how Fergie kicked a boot at Beck's face. I'd love to re-enact that scene with Bran. Except my foot would still be in the boot. And it would strike his face more than once. Samual set up a rival gaming platform. Viewers abandoned Reedle in their 1's and flocked to him. Ford somehow managed to avoid almost certain monster truck death, only to get hit by a car on the highway a week later. Should he even be at the wheel of a car? Or under it? Chade was asked to write a piece for his British citizenship assignment. He came up with the prior FF post. "What's a Reedle?" asked the examiner. "A fgt" was Chade's reply. Quite. He also got extremely offended when Dr. Moorely asked if he could examine his missus' minge. Reedle asked Falcao to score for United and within seconds he delivered. Now, I'm not asking for no miracle here, but maybe he can pray for Bran to fuck off? No rush or anything. David communicated through the medium of posting pictures. I replied through hand signals by holding a finger to my lips then slapped him across the face.

Welcome to FF update #8.

Bruce Lee - The Fine Englishmen: If you stare at David's score intently for a few minutes and go cross eyed, the 74 transforms to a 4 before your very eyes. I know this because between the bloodshot eyes and tears, that's all I can see anymore. The points don't add up. 15 from Pelle and Baines, 10 from Captain Di Maria. But it's still only 4 points overall and for that reason alone, David can consider this a very poor week from him. Maybe he should consider quitting. Just putting it out there.

Points: 74 or 4. Take your pick

Final grade: A

Transfers: Gerrard (out), Hazard (in)

Branbragger - bojan-gles: Deep breaths Moorely, deep breaths. Whu. Whu. I'm not even ashmatic, but between David's 4 score and Bran's, I seem to be inventing and succumbing to new illnesses. Blurry vision, shortness of breath, madness. Is this old age finally catching up with me? "What happened Moorely? Did Mourinho say for the 50th game running that Costa wouldn't play and this time he didn't?". Well, yeah. "So basically what you're saying is, Bran's fucked again when Costa returns for everybody in a couple weeks time and he's the only one without him?". Yeah, something like that. "I see". Cue Branbragging. FF being FF.

Points: 72

Final grade: A

Transfers: Myhill (out) Forster (in)

Andre3000 - Samual5200: No skype = no bants.

Points: 64

Final grade: B+

Transfers: Ramsey, Chambers (out) Fonte, Chadli (in)

Daddy Danwell - Multiple Scorgasms: Danwell walks into the living room. The stench immediately overwhelms him and inflames his nostrils, his eyes water. "Somebody needs their nappy changing" he says. "Ye, I know" snaps back KT. "Now wipe me arse!". Danwell has a simple but effective mantra in life. The less he does, the more successful he is. Or something like that. And it translates well to FF. In the week where's he's forgotten about it and has to be reminded about FF, he happens to achieve one of his best scores. Dier, Lamela and Clichy continue to do fuck all. But it doesn't matter when new boy Pelle bangs in 15. Costa was also subbed out and replaced by Dummett for 8. Dummett did fuck all for me when I had him. Js.

Points: 64

Final grade: B+

Transfers: Rooney (out) Pelle (in)

Maybe. Probably. Definitely Legfriend - Crybaby Swiffers: It looks like Legend finally remembered what his PW is, because he logged in to make two transfers this week. And what coups they were. Tadic scored once and made 4 assists in Soton's 8-0 thrashing of Sunderland, while Rafael, while only earning 1 point, did scream and wave his arms in the air at mudman Berahino as he bore down on goal to try put him off. It didn't work. Legend only played with 10 men this week and 0 strikers after Costa and Dzeko didn't play. Unfortunately for him, FF doesn't allow the Mourinho formation. Aka the 5-5-0. So he was forced to 4-5-0

Points: 63

Final grade: B+

Transfers: Herrera, Kaboul (out), Tadic, Rafael (in)

Benton Rodgers - Australia's Finest:  Like Legend, Benton's move in the transfer market paid off this week as he replaced a misfiring Ulloa (1) with Sakho (12) who Moorely doesn't think is aids and in fact who he rates and thinks very highly of. Well, as high as a mudman could be. Which is somewhere between being northern and Hitler. I wonder whether he'll drop Sakho once Adebayor/Costa return, or try incorporate all 3. Or maybe drop all 3. Yeah, give that one a go.

Points: 56

Final grade: C+

Transfers: Ulloa (out) Sakho (in)

The Turk - Forza Dream Team: Like everybody bar Bran, Fordius was caught off guard with Costa's non inclusion in the Chelsea game. This meant Lamela replaced him (1), much to Ford's ire. He's now threatening to transfer him out of his team. For the 4th week running. What's the chances he'll be in his team until the very end? Is he some secret weapon? Or is he really lame, la? Welbeck (7) scored again. Can't say I saw the goal, but no doubt it was comical and unintentional. Schneiderlin got an assist. Ford still wants rid of him though. He finally did get rid of De Gea this window.

Points: 49

Final grade: C-

Transfers: De Gea (out), Forster (in)

Ivan Kalashnikov - The Dungeon Slaves: I was going to compliment Chade's acquisition of Lampard after he gained 2 assists this week, but looking at his transfer history he seems to be the biggest hipster going. You can bet your bottom dollar that if a player has a good week, Chade will buy them the next week. Put Fat Tom inbetween the goalposts for a game, block a few shots and I bet you Chade will have him till the end of time. Or his lifetime. Which for Eastern Europeans is remarkably short. He has Jamie fucking Vardy still! Cesc (15) received the captaincy after Costa didn't feature. ShowX was relegated to the subs bench. Heaton is still in goal. I don't know why.

Points: 47

Final grade: C-

Transfers: Jedinak (out), Lampard (in)

Josh Pubebeard - 50ShadesOfAndyGray: No skype = no bants. He did finally sell Ben Arfa though. Fucking medal m8.

Points: 41

Final grade: D

Transfers: Ben Arfa, Davies (out), Schneiderlin, Betrand (in)

Dr. Moorely - Le Connoisseur: At least I'm not Horseburger.

Points: 40

Final grade: D

Transfers: none

Horseburger - Reddragons: The last time I wrote a FF post Bran was a cunt, Horseburger had earnt the most points and Ebloa was confined to the mudman continent. How things change. Well, apart from Bran being a cunt part. He still is one. Okay, so where to begin with Horseburgers headfuck of a team? Only two players earnt more than 2 points each this week. They were [captain by default] Sterling and Jagielka who earnt 14 each. O'Shea earnt -2, a subbed in Delaney earnt -3. Kolarov, Schurrle and Dzeko didn't play. Mata, Siggy, Lamela and co did fuck all. I thought he had been unusually quiet about his team this week. It's no fucking wonder. That was just embarrassing!

Points: 34

Final grade: E+

Transfers: Quinn (out), Sigurdsson (in)