| Planet Hollywood The Movie |
Our stars had settled in the grey/brown hills of zetamania, and renamed it Hollywood. (must speak to locations director - we wanted green hills)
In the distance, we heard a virus was spreading, and soon enough, the evil Qassimodo had appeared.
In an unprovoked attack, this evil (bad looking smelly) character unleashed his wrath, forcing our stuntman to require a new botox injection for his lips.
Our star, Bruce Willis eyes up this evil Qassimodo... "Its McLean" he mutters under breath, and springs into action.
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everyone knows that hollywood ppl need stuntmen.. doomed I say XD
yippiekay yay M*therf*cker :P
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The evil Qassimodo unleashes his snarling dogs on our hero, John McLean. He looks up at them disparingly, and mutters "why does this always happen during the holidays?"
He looks around him disparingly for something... anything... the dogs from hell close in on him...
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Suddenly, a glint of steel catches his eye... In a heart stopping moment he rolls to the left, narrowly avoiding the HIV infested Helldog, grabbing its collar and hurling it through the glass windows, whilest grabbing the steel bar with his other and bringing it crashing down into the skull of the second ... "Dogs" he mutters... " I do my own stunts"
*no animals were hurt during the making of this movie
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With Qassimodo pondering his next evil, hideous attack on our 90210 village, McLean notices Warchief Yurn.. Warchief Yerni...
McLean notices Warchief YoYo is itching for an enterance to this evil plan to infect 90210 with their satanic HIV plague....
(note: We could sooo use a Milla Jovovich for this script as I think its going to be a Resident Evil sortof plot...)
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**Cough** **Cough** McClane **Cough** **Cough**
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*slips quietly into the back of the theatre, big screen O_O, munches on some popcorn*
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/me hands ED 3D glasses
IMAX 3D ftw baby! :D
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**Stands behind ED.**
As this feature is presented in Feel-O-Round!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCq_nzlou0Q">
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/me Casually strolls into the theater, basking in the attention from all the ladies trying to woo my sexy self.
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Seeing Katie Holmes in the audience, he swells his chest, knowing she should be with a real man, not some goofball scienticilist in platforms who flirts with ghey flyboys.
He jumps into the a nearby cab, and goes crashing through a bad reconstruction of Disneyland... so bad they called it Disney Park with its fake mice and preverted Ducks. Intentionally swerving to hit Goofy, he brings the gab to a screeching halt in the middle of the HIV infested graveyard they call a core...
Gagging for oxygen, he looks around... "this will do nicely" he mutters... grabbing the cab radio he calls in for Johnny Depp
*would the squeely girls please leave the theatre now, as you are really annoying whenver JD comes on screen... and take Wyzer with you... he's looking for the dirty movies again with that overcoat on!
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*shouts bathroom break, then shouts hey everyone*
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Thinking the our Hero is is distracted elsewhere.. the evil Qassimodo attempts to pick on an elderly gentleman... but little does he know the old man is in fact THE DUKE... John Wayne strolls casually in tips his hat at fine ladies in the audience.. and proceeds to size the slobbering fool up. "Hey McClane" he yells " this one thinks he's a contender!!!"
Our hero glances over, while peeing up against the walls of the enemy town. "Dont worry Duke" he yells "he's all hot air... squeeze him a bit... but watch the exhaust... this bunch smell bad... something crawled up their asses and died!"
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wyzer..... 
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Storm clouds fill the sky (damn HIV would do a Lord of the Rings crap)... and in the distance our hero hears the Satanic chanting of the HIV witchdoctors... the souless creatures muttering their mindless chants like flea infested sheep... a chill fills the air as Ignited casts a freeze over the land ( we know... pretty dumb name for someone that freezes but we didnt do the script )
Our hero lights a cigar, loads his weapons and grins... flicking the zippo, he draws deep on the cigar, before tossing the lighter onto the ground... "yippy kiya m*therf/ckers" he mutters..
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With the ground on fire... our hero sees that the evil witches have called upon Freddy to rescue them from their peril... his sharpened knives look set for our hero... has McClane bitten off more than he can chew...
Suddenly, the radio crackles... "Mc... McClane.. are you there... John?"
With one eye on Freddy, John lifts the mic to his mouth... "Yeah... Im here" he mutters in a tired, fed up voice...
"Its me John... Johnny!"
"Johnny who?" McClane mutters... "Heres Johnny" and upbeat voice says over the microphone... "ok ok" he shouts "me... Jack Nicholson.. anyway... listen up. I got this Downsized troll dry humping my leg, I got a shitty hangover from a drink session with old Blue eyes over there, and my alimony's due... so what do ya reckon... get rid of the hangover, the troll or my ex ?"
"ex's.... " McClane mutters... ponders on the thought of shooting the ex's.
"Do the Troll first" McClane reluctently mutters... " ex's will just scream while you do her and thats no good for the hangover..."
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O SNAP!
^_^
This is just getting interesting
*eats Snickerdoodles*
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Nooo
Hasta La Vista Baby!
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support the cause You are selling 200000 tree for 300000 gold (1.5) all donations are welcomed, help us get rid of those stuck up movie stars
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They said they would move to Canada if Kerry didn't get elected. What ever happened to that? :(
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Awesome movie! :D *Brings out the popcorn*
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McClane takes a few body blows from Freddy, when a madman look comes over his face... laughing at the midget hight Freddy, he laughs aloud... "That all you got... come on... hit me harder Freddy"
McClane hears the sound of thundering in the distance, glancing over, he sees Omar Sharif charging his armies at full speed... the orchestra plays some crappy epic song in the background. "John"... shouts Omar... " we gotta teach Arnie some new lines... something grandiose" before he disappears into the sunset with all the pomp and fanfare deserved of an Epic.
"Method Actors... " our hero mutters... "how about we teach him Astalavista and have him run for governor..." he smirks sarcastically.
McLane bends down, picks up his broken cigar.. and begins limping towards Freddy... " you by anychance know my ex... she also hated my cigars... thats how she became an ex you sad excuse for a c movie actor in a troll suit..."
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*The Loser Loser waits in line for an audition... or maybe a cameo appearance...*
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VICTORY!Mr. Qassim. The city of Wildhorse is now under our command! sry not even bruce willis can stop the infection from spreading
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With the evil Qassimodo smirking at having captured the kd toilets, our Hero blazingly sidesteps the nutjob called Freddy, unzips his trousers and begins peeing into the snow covering the walls of the silly magicians castle. "yippy kiya mo.." he begins etching into the iced snow.
With a move he learnt from Tequila Sunrise, he scares Warchief Yus... Warchief Yass.. he scares Warchief YoYo back to his teepee, before going and kicking on the door of Qassimodo's excuse for a city...
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As Qassimodo attacks the dustbins, our hero hears the sounds of some fool shouting next door.
"I am Gluteus Maximus Anus, son of my father, mother of daughter... " son of this, son of that and all the rest of it.
McClane shakes his head in disbelief... he shouts across the neighbour wall... "keep it down overthere..." damn noisy neighbours playing gladiators.
Everyone knows Russel Crowe was gladiator, and he aint in this movie, and I laughed when the fairy king stabbed him...
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After near 40 minutes of attacking the dustbins, which began with a spectacular flying kick which fell a yard short of target, Qassimodo gives up on attacking the dustbins. Denzel Washington, attempting to pull himself together after watching the funny scenes, notices Qassimodo feed 4 washers and what looked like a hairball into the broken payphone.
He dials 1-800-loser
Pulling out his crayon set, he begins making detailed diagrams from the instructions given to him by 1800loser. At the end of the one sided conversation, the diagram looks like a scene out of Lady and the Tramp, with loads of sphagetti going everywhere. We wanted to ask what the meatballs indicated, until we realised they were'nt meatballs, but rather a bad case of poor hygiene.
Denzel smiles... "Im gonna love this..." as he starts putting on his surgical gloves.
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mclain? "yippy kiya mo.."?
Stop raping Bruce Willis!
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1-800-loser? why did you have to bring TBL into this story? i dont take advice from hmm -.-
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You guys havent even mentioned Megan Fox yet!
its depressing
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It only you guys had Bruce Lee...
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ummm ooopsyy was that your army bling? :(:(:( They surrendered. Mr. Qassim. We have won the battle! We killed a total of 1121 enemy troops, 0 peasants and injured 717 enemy troops.
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hmmmm
Im still not hearing anything in your story about Megan Fox
im getting displeased, impatient, and agitated. That is the single sexiest person in your kingdom yet theres nothing on her...
hmmmm
Twamao would freak because apparently sexy people are being ignored!
:P
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Looks like there a writers strike. Please pick up ticket refunds on the way out. :)
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A wild agent smith appeared. Rocknrolla uses Zeta Multy Sweep
ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE!
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Nice story Bruce, keep it going; so when when will the director notice that Bruce Willis is a fake?
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Can i have a free ticket Plz .. :)
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As a friend of me once said,
"This is the end
My only friend, the end"
Yippiekayee mu'a fu'a!
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Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end.
Report
02:40:28 Jan 1st 10 A wild agent smith appeared. Rocknrolla uses Zeta Multy Sweep
ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Enemy players fainted! HIV armies gained 4 EXP. Points! Planet Hollywood was defeated! HIV got 50mill gold plus alota spoils for winning!
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So... following an extended interval, the movie continues.
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Just as our hero was about to strike the death blow on the foul smelling Qassimodo... the scum sucking vermon of HIV called to the one testicled god of river slime, known to many as Zeta.
This treacherous, thieving creature cast a spell on our hero's, freezing them in suspension before scattering them across many new world.
Our hero, coming out of this state of freeze, looked around him...gun raised and pointing at nothing... total nothing. No person, creature or animal in sight. "do I look like some kind of fate farmer ..." he mutters underbreath, before dusting off his jacket, and making his way to find the infected faeces they call a kingdom..HIV
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yippiekay yay M*therf*cker
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