| Ye Olde Taverne |
"The mighty dragon does not dwell in lands where mere mortals dwell...it might even take up residence near the mighty kingdom of Spamalot...but you would be devoured by the infamous God of Spam before you got too far."
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Scipio skips over to the fireplace peers at the map above it and in a quick flash casts a search spell to locate the mighty kingdom of Spamalot with 191% chance of success...Thwaaaaack, the spell failed failed to locate it !!
He racks his brain trying to remember, vague recollections of meeting a tribe of Spammers on his travels came to mind but he could not recall they had a god or even a kingdom as such.
"What Kingdom is this you speak of my friend and how does one get there !!?" he queried
"Is this mere conjecture" he continued "... you appear unsure as to whether the beast indeed resides in this land of which you spake"
Then it struck him and rising to his full height he approached the sprisely and in a much quiter tone, barely even a whisper, he asks "What is this, do you try to mock me ?"
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"Ask Septim, he is the God of Spam...and mocking you isn't entertaining enough to do."
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"The mighty three-headed dragon does not reside near Spamalot Castle, and I can tell that you are withholding information from me. That is fine, a man is entitled to his secrets...I just won't tell you where the beast is..."
*examines his fingernails*
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*Gives Septim some fingernail clippers aka a sword*
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*accepts the sword, holds it rather awkwardly, and proceeds to slice off fine pieces of his fingernails with inhuman precision*
"There we are...oh..."
*notices that he may have ripped off one or two of his fingernails*
"...bah! I've been through worse..."
*remembers Swifty's Love Shack*
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*looks at septim and ponders wether he could be such the beast we are looking for*
*Thinks back to what septim said*
"*accepts the sword, holds it rather awkwardly, and proceeds to slice off fine pieces of his fingernails with inhuman precision*
"There we are...oh..."
*notices that he may have ripped off one or two of his fingernails*
"...bah! I've been through worse..."
*walks over to scipio*
"scipio i have a hunch that septim could be the beast we are looking for" *in a very quite and inconspicuous fashion*
"Do you have any spells that could check or something"
*Walks back to his seat in the corner*
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*hears the obnoxiously loud whisper and feels compelled to say something
"You know he can hear you right? Besides, 'Septim' is a mere clone of an entity that no longer exists - a man, long dead and replaced with one named Cidellus. I'd advise no enquiries down that route, you'll encounter danger of long monologues."
*examines his fingernails
"In any case, I'm back from a trek through the barren wilderness, or whatever awesome heroes do these days. Although you probably never noticed my absence."
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*Slasher the Mongoose appears from the shadows and jumps up onto the bar counter. He scurries down the length of the counter and stops in front of Septim.*
"Well hello there, Slasher. How was your nap?"
Slasher: *mongoose noises*
"Very good? Excellent!"
*looks up at Demonsul*
"Now, my old friend, you are incorrect. Septim is not dead...Septim IS Cidellus. And the dangers of a long monologue are somewhat eliminated by the fact that Slasher here HATES long monologues..."
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Arvious wakes up in the corner covered in 50 spork-tons of dust.
"Argarbalea... uhh... gimme teh booze, sirs!"
Arvious gets up, takes two steps forward, and then proceeds to fall over onto the table next to Scipio, Dude, and Demonsul.
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*uses his telekinetic booze-powers to hover a glass of ale over to Arvious*
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*somehow manages to grab the glass while facing the exact opposite direction*
"Thank'ee."
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*blinks
"Looks like you can teach old dogs new tricks."
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"Hey, I'm not old... I'm just not young!"
*downs the drink in 2 seconds*
"Besides, it takes time to get good at chuggin' drinks."
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*The Tavern had begun to liven up again, Scipio who had settled himself back down into his chair by the bar before being approached now sat in pondering silence as he watched the
Duke
returning to his seat ~ A line of furrows had appeared on his forehead,
it seemed whatever incident this individual had suffered in his
childhood had clearly somewhat afflicted his mind,
.... or was it possible !!?
.... could there be some element of truth in his words !!?*
*He turned back to Septim who now gently stroked a mongoose behind it's left ear*
"Sire, I spake the truth when I told you I seek knowledge, what makes you think I be withholding any information back !!?"
*He casts his mind back to the day he overheard the 2 hunters and tried
to recall their conversation *
"... he said he'd murdered a horde of
hamburgers, hahaha the power of the ?*missed what he said*?" said one of the hunters , "Yeah, one sure can get some
powerfully spirit from the 3 Headed Dragon, what say you we ...?something?, ?something?,
?something?... might even catch us a few wenches too" the other had replied laughing*
*Never having met one Scipio had wondered at the time just how powerful
those hamburgers were but had decided that to kill a horde meant the
spirit would still be a grand prize, must make them as strong as a
hundred men he had surmised at the time even though a hunderd men would
have great difficulty taking one wench down. Dragons on the other hand
were no strangers to Scipio, he had even been fortunate enough to
learn a bit of Draconian on his travels among them but never had he
heard of a 3 headed beast like this*
"I would gladly offer payment for any information that leads me to the beast" he offered raising his voice so that all could hear
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"What are you offering?" asked Demonsul, signaling for another shot.
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"I don't know where the beast is, but I'm fairly bored and looking for some excitement. I think you find me useful and handy with a sword as well"
* Unsheaths a rapier
"I also am fairly good at drinking games, which seems to come in handly sometimes"
"What I am getting at is that I would like to join you, that is, if you will have me"
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*smiles at Scipio*
"Now now, my young friend, know that I am the only one with the information you seek, and know that I have more than enough treasure to sustain my lifestyle. I don't care for your payment...I simply wish to hear the information you are withholding," said Septim with a smile as he watched Slasher the Mongoose perform backflips.
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*suddenly, a random patron wakes up and slaps Scipio in the face*
"NO SERIOUS RPING IN THE TAVERN! RAWR!"
*the patron then explodes into a cloud of dust*
"Hey!" Arvious yelled. "Come back to life, you still owe me a beer!"
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*looks at Arvious*
"Hey no worries. Its on me."
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"Wha... !!? ... what's this!!?" *Scipio exclaims as an angry buzzing erupted in firnt of him causing him to raise his hands in quick defence casting a Dust-to-dust spell subconciously as he did so.*
*Scipio looked upon the shiney weapon glinting in Sir Horus VII's hand reflecting yellow and red ray's of light about the room as he waved it about. It looked to be a weapon that could no doubt cause some serious damage to an earthly opponent. He contemplated the offer - "'twould be handy to have some support from any adversaries he might come across" he thought but he kept his thoughts to himself for the moment - he needed to know more about said beast first*
*Scipio looks over to Demonsul*
"Ahhhh, that depends on what you can tell me of yon beastie to assist my quest. Over my years I have harvested quite a wealth of these Yellow stones" he said - reaching into a pocket in the folds of his outfit and plonking down onto the bar a small leather pouch from which a few nuggets of gold and yellow saphires spill
*Scipio leant over the bar counter with intent at gaining Septims attention without rousing too much interest from the rest of the tavern but Septim failed to notice appearing to be more interested in the antics of the mongoose doing cartwheels and looping the loop in front of him"
"Sire..." he raised his voice directing it at Septim "... why do you insist I withhold information from you when I have told you what I seek"
*Septim glances Scipios way momentarily*
"... mayhaps we should seek out a quieter place to talk" Scipio adds winking inconspiciously, or so he thought
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"You don't need to worry about talking loud here, trust me. Nobody gives a rat's-"
*a loud noise is heard as somebody drops a glass across the tavern*
"-about your quest to find the three-headed dragon. I know where the beast is, and I could get you there nearly instantly, but I warn you that he does not like being fooled...and he could crush you like an insect if you had hostile intentions."
*goes back to watching Slasher, who now seemed to be acting out a scene from some play*
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"Rats !! ... RATS !!!?" a midget with bleary eyes exclaims jumping up and sending his glass flying into the air as he did so
"The Plague, the Plague !!" the midget shouts, taking a running jump and streaking towards what he perhaps thought where the tavern doors - Scipio couldn't help but burst out laughing as it reminded him of a visit to a certain Fantasy Island
The midget reaches up to grasp the handles of the doors, wrenches them open, darts in and slams the doors behind him only to come tumbling back out a second later looking like a hairy fish out of water, feet stuck firmly in a bucket with a mop stuck to his head very much like a wig.
*Scipio, face flushed a bluish-red from laughing, a very unusual occurence, turns to Septim*
"Sire, I have no fear of yon beastie, I realise you care not for payment but feel it only just and fair that I give you something in return for any assistance you can render me, albiet that I can only do so on my return from my quest"
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"And what exactly IS your quest, Scipio? I don't believe you have told me yet."
*begins laughing as Slasher does a stand-up comedy routine*
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"Also Scipio i shell come with you...If i may?"
*Gives a curious smile*
"I have saved a space on my table next to my fathers battle axe for the middle head of the Beast"
"I want to hack it of personally"
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"Ahhhh, Sire, I have indeed told you several times now of my quest for knowledge that this beast might be able to provide me" Scipio says and then pauses to reflect
"... but you are indeed right" he continues "... there is something more I seek, as you appear to know of yon beastie and are willing to assist me get to it perhaps it would be worth my while sharing with you in exchange of what you know and mayhaps you would also consider joining the quest if you are not otherwise engaged, there are perhaps two others that might be willing to join us"
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*stops watching Slasher and suddenly becomes very serious*
"I don't think a quest would be necessary, as the "beast" is within thirty feet of you. I only require your word that you, and EVERBODY IN HERE, will not attempt to harm the beast. If you do, then you will have me to deal with, and I will make certain that your death is as excruciatingly painful as I can make it. Is that clear?" asked Septim
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*Smiles and looks up at septim*
"septim" *Hand gripped tightly to his axe*
"you may know that i have been killed here before.....You may also notice that i am still here"
*Giggles to himself*
"no matter how hard you try or how much you think and believe i am dead i cannot die"
"I have waited for this all my life" *He said with a tear rolling down his face yet still wearing his smile*
"And you or anybody in this place will get in my way"
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*shifts his gaze to Some Fcked Dude*
"Ah, Duke, but does that not mean that the three-headed dragon will also continue to live should you kill it? The powers of invincibility that this building grants to all within apply to everybody...not just you and me. I'd simply like to spare the three-headed dragon the pain of having some dirty little adventurer with an axe come and try to slay it."
*smiles*
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*Smiles at septim*
"Well then.....If this is true you wouldnt mind me cutting its middle head of then would you"
*Pulls out Axe*
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*places his hand on his sheath*
"Not if you wouldn't mind losing your right leg, Duke," says Septim with a wicked grin.
*Slasher pulls out some squirrel nuggets and a flamingo on a stick and begins chowing down as he watches the veteran barkeep protect his friend from the violent madman*
[[OOC: ;) ]]
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*Startled, Scipio looks first at Septim and then at the Duke and back to Septim, the single hair on the nape of his neck stood up and his body tingled as the air around him filled with an electric energy. Although he does not glance directly down at eithers hands he is aware of the menancingly sharp axe in the Dukes possesion and that Septims hand had dropped to his side*
"But, but ..." he starts of stutteringly and his voice trails off only to start up again "Wha.., what is going on here, I thought you were all prepared to assist my quest, there is much to be gained"
*Regaining a bit of composure Scipio scoops up the leather bag that still sat on the bar table, places it back into a pocket in his garb and then places his hands palm down on the table again*
"Where is this beast and why do you protect it" he shoots the question at Septim, a bit of venom creeping into his voice as he spoke.
*The Duke was eying Septim up while Septim himself appeared to be watching everyone in the room*
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*keeps his hand on his sheath*
"Because he and I have a long history, and it is one that you cannot possibly understand. I'll warn you once...greater men than you have tried to slay the beast, and those great men are now decomposed corpses buried outside. It's not worth it, so I would say that it's in your best interests to drop it."
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"Either that or respawned." Arvious muttered under his breath.
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"Ha ha ha ha ha, you think I am a man, you puny humans make me laugh"
*Scipio swivels on his bar stool one hand clenched shut as he withdrew both from the table top, in doing so he had turned his back on Septim and proceeded to lift his ginormous feet up using them to sweep a chair out of the way and then plonking both feet down on the table in front of the now vacant space*
"Well, well, what have we here, first you Bait me and now you WARN ME" his voice rose sharply "... You deny me my prize !!?" he continued his voice now barely a whisper.
*In a normal tine he continues*
"Ok, ok, you say I will not understand, mayhaps you do not understand my needs. Try me, tell me your story for without understanding I fail to see any reason for me to abandon my quest"
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"So you believe yourself special, do you? You can speak in deep voices and have massive feet? You have more powers, I am sure, but this is rather ridiculous. We have had the Demon Lord of Carrothia, the maddest and most brilliant scientist in Visual Utopian history, and the Lord of the Golden Spoon within these walls. You do not frighten me...whatever you are. I will not tell you my story, nor will I speak of this any longer. You are boring me while I have an obvious source of entertainment right here..."
*turns around and watches Slasher the Mongoose ride around in circles on a miniature bicycle*
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"Well, what can I say" Scipio replies complacently
"As you can see I am shaking in my boots, unfortunately my boots be a mere figment of imagination as is my fear" Scipio yawns
"I say, seeing as you are so hospitable how about a few drops of water, my eyes are rather dry"
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"But of course..."
*uses his telekinetic bar-powers to pour Scipio a glass of water as he watches Slasher perform tricks on his bicycle*
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Unable to bear it any longer, Demonsul bursts out laughing. "No, no, please continue! This is some of the most amusing tavern activity I've seen in a long time!"
His chuckles die out as he spies his still-empty glass, and he turns back to Septim a sliver more seriously. "Lord of the Golden Spoon? Never heard of him. I know Arvious has a certain affinity for sporks, but then it's not his fault he was chosen by lesser gods."
Shrugging, he leans towards Scipio. "Everyone here has some kind of power. At least, everyone worth mentioning. Me, I'm just skilled with the blade. You I can see have some kind of foot trick. Septim's practically a god, and I could name others I'm also on good terms with."
For a moment, he thinks, then remembers the entire quest Scipio is trying to achieve. "As for the dragon, it's currently residing in a dimensional portal disguised as a footlocker or something like that. My friend Giga would know more about that kind of thing. In any case, the only way this side of causality you're getting at it is with Septim's blessing." Nodding knowingly, he leans back.
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"OK....ok"
*Turns to septim*
"I See you Have great feeling for this Beast......So i am willing to come to some arrangement"
*Turns back to scipio*
"Scipio i am not sure the arangement i am about to ask will benafit you...Depending on what your reason is for wanting the Beast"
*Turns back to Septim*
"Ok here goes......When i was in my teens i found this"
*Pulls out a impregnate spell*
"So you use this on the beast male/female and give me the Mini-Beast in which will come out"
"As it is a Spell you dont have to worry about it being male or female"
*Sheaths His fathers battle axe eagerly waiting for a reply from septim*
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"Let's see...Drakos, the owner of this tavern, would probably not want you hunting the dragon that his tavern is named after. He might sue you since his tavern would have to be renamed if it runs off. There was Senturu, the Lord of the Golden Spoon(I believe). There was Senturu, the Demon Lord of Carrothia. Lord Scientist, the most brilliant mind, bartender of the tavern, and destroyer of worlds. There was Septim, the God of Spam, bartender of the tavern, and ruler of Spamalot. Arvious, the crazy clone-spamming drunkard. Demonsul, the Lord of Bronimina. Salamon, the King of Holy and was also a bartender here. Effrandor, Mielo, Wolflord Karac, Salaracen, and many others. Do not think of yourself as superior, as that is meaningless here. I, myself, am King Charley Deallus of the Kingdom of Tasidian, ally of Cidel, God of Felines, Self-Proclaimed God of Forum Moderation, and hero alongside many of these others here...do not think of yourself as superior, as that is typically the last mistake someone makes," said Charley as he sipped as his drink.
*A random flaming hobo breaks through the window, runs around the tavern, then jumps out the window and lands in the trashcan.*
"Now, I have heard stories about you. A troll who abuses his power out of anger that men can be happy. One who disgusts me and really should never deserve such knowledge as from the Three-Headed Dragon. I believe it would laugh at any request to hear from someone...so unworthy," mumbled Charley.
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*Watches the flaming hobo and giggles to himself*
*Turns to charley*
"Was that aimed at me King charley?"
"Because if it was i clearly came up with a peacfull solution where everybody involved wins"
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*glances at Some Fcked Dude*
"You want to impregnate my friend and take the child that results!? Are you an imbecile? The answer is NO!" says Septim, watching Slasher perform a trapeze act.
*once Slasher is finished, Septim turns to Charley*
"And it was Shezmu that was the Demon Lord of Carrothia, not Senturu. Senturu was Lord of the Golden Spoon, and was a bartender here for a while."
*turns back once again to watch Slasher do an impression of Rodney Dangerfield*
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"Lord of Bronimina? Oh, no, not any more. Had some...disagreements with the management, as one might say."
Realizes that Septim still hasn't poured him another shot, and gestures towards his glass, now a bit annoyed.
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*notices, without looking, that Demonsul's shot glass is empty. He then uses his telekinetic barkeep powers to pour Demonsul another shot, smiling as Slasher does an impersonation of Alan Rickman*
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Demonsul downs the shot, and asks for another. Then he turns back to Fcked Dude. "You have some strange ideas, I'll grant you that. Although I don't understand why you don't simply take the path of least resistance and use peaceful negotiation..."
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"I accidentally said Senturu twice. My apologies. I meant Shezmu."
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*uses his telekinetic barkeep powers to pour Demonsul a second shot while watching Slasher imitate a redneck*
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*downs the shot, and begins also watching Slasher's show
"Is there anything he can't do?"
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*shrugs*
"I don't think he can speak our tongue..."
*Slasher is impersonating Sean Connery*
Slasher: "The namesh Bond, Jamesh Bond..."
"Nevermind..."
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