lols, :D
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.