An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong. The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire." The marine asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations." The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"

haha

i like the taxi one lol

haha lol i like that second to last one: Yes. Absolutely.

Ha ha that's pretty good

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.

George asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

Even George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"

George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their *beep*tails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

lmfao i love that one.

Two men are playing tennis, one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors, the other man says "Don't waste any money on the doctors, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have". So he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says "You have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily". So goes home wondering how it know what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker, so he goes home and gets his sisters piss, brothers piss, dogs piss, and jacks-off in the cup goes back to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine. The paper comes out and says "Your sister has gonorrhea, your brother is *beep*, your dog has worms, and if you keep jacking-off like that you'll never lose that tennis elbow.

I've heard it before but i like it :)

I heard a different version I think...don't remember there being a sister or brother...I think one was his wife and was pregant(not his) and to get a lawyer.

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention ?" the friend asked. "You look fine to me."

"I know !" grinned the patient. "But the Nurses kinda formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven
stitches."

Lol ya.

Here's a good one:

2 cans of coke to keep me up till 4:30am to do essays- $1.50

An online AP course that doesn't give proper instructions- $500

Finding out that I have a Research Paper (that has to be peer-reviewed twice) and Powerpoint due in 6 hours, PRICELESS

Its gonna be a long day guys.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19458

Haha read that.. and tell me its not the funniest thing youve ever read

Please tell me this is satire, pesterd

Anything can be fixed with duct tape.

I read the entire Landover Baptist Church forums, and LAUGHED MY ASS OFF!  Haha!

I skimmed through it... only read that parts that made my eyes pop out or made me chuckle.

So thats how they call it nowadays?

I bet against it! As you probably read, most of them have children so the virgin part would make you loose ;)

However, I do think they are wrong, to keep it clean, and should seriously reconsider their reasoning. I found a post that I found to be really good:

KajsaSweden vbmenu_register("postmenu_338825", true); Unsaved trash Under Investigation

Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 13

Re: Are showers the women's ride to Satan's arms?

Lol, vu once again strikes a noble blow for human rights.

HEY!! Santa, just because AMERICAN ancestors were smart enough to move here when the time came doesn't mean you trash us. XD

And I have never heard of such blasphemy!! Human rights? Psshhh. What is WRONG with the world nowadays? XD

http://www.palibankids.com/virtualhell1.html

goto some of gods toys near the end of the page lol